Waterfall Affect

I woke up at 4:00 this morning with my dog/child sitting next to my bed quietly staring at me. How can anyone not like dogs? Blows my mind.

Made it to the Y nice and early! Got a quick workout in. Sat in the steam room for a bit and took my time getting ready in the silent, ever so secret family locker room. Let me tell you that place is VIP in the mornings because no one thinks about using it. Plu, they are freshly cleaned from the night before.

Things are feeling like they are getting back to normal. I think the whole key is the workout. Once I put the time in to work out it waterfalls into every other facet of my life. My eating habits just fall back into place and I'm more organized at work even. I just have to keep going. I'm thinking about setting up an appointment with a therapist. I have never been able to just keep steady with my weight. I'm either losing or gaining. nothing in between. Thank God the band helped me not gain as much as I would have. But I can't keep treating my body like this. So we'll see. I keep saying I'd like to make an appointment and always mean to look into what coverage we have for it and then I never do.

On a different note, I have to say I sure have missed all of the banded bloggers out there. It's so good to see how far everyone has come and it's really inspiring! I'm still catching up on blogs so if you get 7 comments from me in 1 day you'll know why :)

Filled Up

WOAH-ZER! My Band is tight! This is the first time I noticed a significant tightness early in the morning.

Also, you know how they always say eat your protein first? Well today is the first time I experienced that scenario. I went out of the office today to pick up my $1000.00 Gift Certificate for Sunglasses that a few friends and I won on Facebook (WOOHOO!) And I decided to grab a kids burrito bowl from qdoba instead of eating my normal tuna fish.

So the lady put rice in the bottom of the bowl before i could tell her to skip that part, then I just opted for the chips with the kids meal instead of turning them down like I should have.

So right before I got back to the office I popped a few chips in my mouth. Not a diet killer, but not the best decision. Well, I got to my desk took two bites of chicken and that was it for me. I was not overly stuffed , but I was full. And I knew if I took another bite bad things would follow. I didn't even get close to that rice that shouldn't be in the bowl! There goes my protein for the day! Dang it! I might need a protein shake for dinner.

Heck maybe this is what I need for a little while. Oh, or maybe I need to dial it back a bit and start eating my protein first AND eat it over a 20 minute time period like I was told!

NSV!!!

oh my goodness. I can't wipe the smile off of my face today. I really can't.

I try not to put a whole lot of emphasis on material things, but I am human. Stuff is just stuff but at the end of the day about $100 worth of stuff really made me happy today. It was kind of a pay off for every single morning I forced myself out of bed at 5:00 am to go to the gym.

For me, one of the most depressing/horrifying things about being overweight was clothing.
I have always loved fashion in fact, I was actually a professional makeup artist for seven years. Quickly after I started college I had to start shopping at plus size stores. It hurt my heart shopping with friends at stores where nothing fit me. It embarrassed me to take friends to plus size stores for a while, but even when it stopped being embarrassing, I still didn't shop with friends much. I envied my friends who raided each other's closest for clothes. I hated my wedding dress, but I settled on it because it was one of the only samples that I could actually try on. Last year It was horrifying shopping for a formal dress. It's like all plus size clothing is either a. frumpy b. floral smock-ish or c. cut to really accentuate how fat you really are. I kept saying, "Am I the only fat person in the world who needs a dress for a wedding that isn't styled for an 80 year old?"

I started wearing a size 10 shoe when I was a teenager. not a big deal, but In the past few years all that weight made my feet wider and I was confined to size 11 which has just recently become somewhat available. blahhhh. How lame.


So enough of the sob story. Today I walked into Forever 21 and went on a shopping spree. It was still plus sizes. But I didn't even care because their plus sizes are normal sizes in a women's store!!! Even though I'm on the brink of being a bit too old to be shopping at Forever 21 I tried on the absolute cutest things. I was dancing in the dressing room. I would post pics but I need to get some camis and a slip for under the dresses I bought. They are all awfully see through, but here are 2 of the items from the website. I also snagged a super cute yellow dress with a bias hem and some fluorescent pink sandals that are fab!

The one thing that really upsets me about Forever 21 is the fact that plus size there starts at size 12. It hurts my heart because I know there are a ton of teenagers who are mortified by the fact that they are shopping in a  very limited section of the store and it's labeled plus size!!!
I'm sorry but size 12 is pretty normal. In fact the skinniest I have ever been in my life was a size 14 and I was damn thin then! Oh well, off my soapbox!

After we were finished at forever 21, we went to the plus size section of Belk. Sifting through the racks and racks of floral smocks just solidified how wonderful my shopping experience was at Forever 21. I can finally dress like myself and pretty soon I'm going to really  be able to dress however the hell I want! YES!!! THANK YOU LAP BAND!!!!!

OMG I JUST BOUGHT A REGULAR SIZED DRESS!

I just bought 3 dresses in size XL!!!!!! OMG!!!!! I walked out of the dressing room and asked the lady that worked there to do a dance with me!

Refocused

Woah the first week of May is over. What in the world?  Today I hit a big one.. the big Seven.Zero. Isn't that equivalent to a whole 7 or 8 year old kid? A husky one, even?

It really makes me feel good but I had an epiphany tonight. A few days before my surgery I saw a user on lapbandtalk.com that had lost 96 lbs in 6 months. I asked her what she had done and she explained that she works out for at least 45 minutes a day. She said she started walking as soon as she could and she kept working out harder and harder each time. That was when it really clicked for me and that's what inspired me to start walking right away. I set that goal to do exactly what she did.

So periodically I check up on her on lapbandtalk.com to see how much more weight she has lost. She has a newer picture and she's totally skinny. She has now lost 125 lbs and she's just a little more than a month away from her 1 year bandiversary.

Coincidentally, I am a little more than 1 month away from my 6 month bandiversary and I'm within reaching distance to the goal I set for myself right before I had surgery. It's going to take some serious discipline and I'm going to have to get back to working my ass off in the gym. But I really owe it to myself to accomplish this goal.

The past few days have been great food wise. I've really been good. I have been working out very hard, I just don't do it as much as I used to. So I'm getting up and going to the gym tomorrow for a hardcore workout.

I want to be somewhere in the -90's by my birthday which is 3 days after my 6 mo bandiversary. This is going to be tough, but it's possible. As friends, if you hear me wavering or getting whiny will you please remind me to focus on this goal? I need to do this!

Is That The Light?!

Holy crap, after weeks (which feels like years) of teeter tottering on the scale, I finally lost more than my lowest number!

I'm not out of the woods yet, but hopefully that's the boost I need to get back on track. The past few days have been sooo hard. No motivation to work out, and very little will power. But last night I just toughed it out. I wanted to eat anything that would fit in my mouth, but I didn't. I wasn't hungry, I just had a great fill....but my head just wanted to EAAAAATT!! I stuck to it and ate just less than 1000 calories yesterday!

Alright I'm going to the gym. I need to burn some calories! Here's some more inspiration from pinterest:

Re Grouping & Joining CeCe for a 30 Day Band a Thon

Good Morning! A couple of weeks ago I hit a plateau. Then promptly after that I started skidding backwards just like i normally do. Eating anything and everything I could put in my mouth, eating when I wasn't hungry, eating unhealthy foods, not weighing out my foods and definitely not tracking them!

I'm struggling right now with the fact that I still need to lose about 60 more lbs. It's daunting and feels impossible. But I know it's not. Isn't that funny? I feel stressed about having to lose 60 lbs so I shove food in my face as a result. Now THAT makes a whole lotta effing sense!

The cool thing is I have this band and when I get out of control, I can wrangle myself back in a lot easier than I could before.  Since CeCe over at http://bandedforboots.blogspot.com/ is doing a 30 Day Band a Thon to get back into good habits, planning, tracking food, working out, etc. I'm going to join her.

 If anyone else is struggling right now join us. I'm on Myfitnesspal, I'll add you as a friend if you use it too and we can encourage each other. I need all the help I can get right now to get back on track.

Today I'm on all liquids to hopefully clear out some of the ick that is hanging out in my system from a week of abuse. Tomorrow I'm going to work on eating proteins and veggies. And I'm going to get my ass to the gym tonight and tomorrow so I can get this show on the road!

Inspiration Blog Post

I just love this post ... http://bandstermomma.blogspot.com/2012/04/inspiration.html

My Husband's Graduation

Tomorrow is our 4 month bandiversary and today, MS went in today to get a fill. They checked his restriction before hand and he was still pretty restricted. So he got a very tiny fill today. She told him that he doesn't have to come back on a monthly basis any longer.  He's "graduated".

MS has lost 90 lbs in 4 months. Excuse my language, but that is un-f*!king-believable. His blood pressure is normal, type 2 diabetes is gone and he's 20 lbs away from hitting his goal weight.

I couldn't be prouder of him. Being a witness to this, I can tell you what he did to be successful. 1. He followed the instructions given to us by our medical team to the tee. 2. He started working out religiously 3. He has a BMR that could burn our house down. 4. He still loves to eat, he just doesn't eat as much as he used it.

I think he's pretty rad and he has really helped me stay on a good path. I always joke and whine about having to work harder to lose less, but I only kid. I knew going into this that it wasn't about competing with each other, it was about having each other's backs!

So now he's moved on to getting ripped......I mean, I'm not going to object to that! ;)

Love This Post

I just read this post and really loved it. http://mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com/2012/04/random-thoughts-honesty-is-important.html

Nobody Said That It'd Be Easy, They Just Promised It'd Be Worth It

Tonight I went to my beloved bosu class with the crazy instructor. He is just a beautiful gay guy with a super skinny super toned body and his workouts are crazy.
I can't remember if I said this last week, but my first time at the class I was sitting outside watching the group before us and he was teaching. I kept thinking holy crap that guy is CRAZY HARD CORE! Then when I walked in and saw he was teaching my class I kept thinking, "aww shit."

It was funny because tonight a girl sitting next to me on the bench said the same thing to me out loud . She said " He IS INTENSE! Does he teach the next class?!" I told her yes and about how much I loved it. After the first 15  minutes we caught glances and she mouthed to me "HOLY SHIT!" haha so funny. Skinny people problems. I tell ya.

Anyways. The point of my story is this.... after the class I wanted to go talk to the instructor but for some reason I could feel myself getting teary eyed. weird. PMS I guess. I just wanted to hug him and tell him thanks, but I just kept walking. When I turned in my locker key he was standing there, and I was over that little teary eyed thing and I said to him, "Thanks for making me ugly sweat!" so we started talking and I told him that I loved his class and that I loved the other one as well. We talked about the differences and I told him that I had lost some weight and I knew this was going to help me get over a plateau. He kept saying that he was at a plateau too and he's trying to do everything to just break through it.  I said, "You don't have to lose any weight!"

And then he told me something awesome..... he said, "I lost 181 lbs!"

181!!!!!!!! And he is in AMAZING SHAPE. AMAZING. I would have hugged that man in all my ugly sweaty glory, but I'll save that for 20 lbs from now.  I told him that he was helping me more than he knows.

It's just goes to show how much everyone struggles and everyone has their own battles. I can get there, we can all get there. "Nobody Said That It'd Be Easy, They Just Promised It'd Be Worth It."

I don't know who said that quote but it's going to be my mantra for a little while, at least until I can get to 198.

Feeling Much Skinnier Than What I Look Like in This Picture

Sometimes pictures are total bullshit. I'm feeling fab because I've broken through the plateau, I can just feel it.  I'm on the brink of a clothing crisis. Everyone says they don't have anything to wear, but all of a sudden I'm truly running out of clothes! YAY! I resorted to Ross and Marshall's  over the weekend and found this super cute dress. I was so excited to wear it and I wanted to show my mom so I took a picture of myself in the mirror on the elevator. When I looked at it, I was like WHAT THE HELL?! I'm still a fatty! HAHA oh well, I'll just chalk it up to a wierd elevator mirror and a camera phone. It's more about how you feel right?

Dear Plateau - Piss Off

I hit the dreaded plateau! for the past three weeks I've been down, then up, then down, then up. I knew it would happen so I've decided to kick it into overdrive and get over this hump.

First off I've noticed that my belly fat is sticking around for a lot longer than normal. My arms, neck, face  and calves are slimming up nice but everything else is still just hanging out.  Since I've always been a huge believer in low carb dieting, I've decided to go ahead and start that today. Everyone always says that low carb dieting really targets belly fat, so I'm hoping this really helps.

This throws my tracking system for a loop because Myfitnesspal primarily tracks calories and I'll need to really just track net carbs. I'm still going to use it, but my calories will probably need to be adjusted. I've tracked net carbs so much in my life that I can pretty much do that in my head so it shouldn't be an issue. If I find myself getting off track I'll resort back to writing everything down on paper.

I'll report back on how it goes!

P.S. I had to go out and buy 2 pairs of Size 20's yesterday!!!! YES!!! Life is good!

Another Fun Filled Day

Stupid Vagus Nerve.

I went in for my third fill today and as always, it was a shit show! Apparently my vagus nerve is a little bitch.

Before I get into the gory details, I have to say that I adore all of the staff at Dr. Yoo's office. It is seriously like a family. If they weren't so awesome, I would really have a hard time going in every month considering my little "episodes".

So when the nurse takes me in to weigh me, she always goes over a list of medications and confirms what I'm still taking. We went through the list, Birth Control? Yes! Mulitvitamin?Yes! Atavan? Atavan? OMG I FORGOT TO TAKE MY ATAVAN!

Atavan is a chill pill that MS and I were prescribed after our first adjustments (I passed out/He almost did). We were instructed to take 1 pill 30 minutes before our appointments. As soon as I remembered that I didn't take the pill I knew the rest of the appointment was going to be dramatic.

We got started and as soon as she took the saline out of my band I started clamming up and getting sweaty. It's such a crazy feeling because we both stay really calm even though I always have a huge needle sticking out of a stomach.  We somehow maneuver me, the fluro, and her foot pedals for the fluro all around, all while keeping that needle in the port. It's really ridiculous.

Today I had to sit down and she slowly added back what I came in with. Then I had to move from a chair to the table so we could actually do the fill with the fluro.

It's so crazy I have to keep laughing about it! I swear I will never forget to take that atavan again. I mean, last time I came close to passing out, but not as bad as this time, the pill does help.

The good news is... our doctor said she was so so so proud of us because we are really doing great. That made me feel good and makes me want to do well every month. Also, I think this is the tightest my band has EVER been. I'm on liquids for the next two days so I'm hoping for some SERIOUS weight loss!!

No matter what, this whole sensitive vagus nerve thing is a small price to pay for the weight I've lost.
If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. This is hands down the best thing I've ever done for myself.

Confession Time

I may or may not have consumed 600 calories of Ranch Dressing at dinner tonight.

Ready for an excuse? I worked out twice today. Shit. That was one whole work out.

50% of me feels really guilty about, but the other 50% ... well I'm sure you know.

New Short Term Goal

I just adore all of  your blogs that have been designed by Just Foolin Blog Designs! I totally want a facelift! In order to keep myself in line I'm setting a short term goal of losing 20 more lbs. When I hit
-72 lbs I am going to reward myself with a shiny new blog upgrade!! So if you get a chance just remind me how ugly you think my current page is! TY!!

Vacation and Second Fill!

Vacation was wonderful! My sister and I have been taking trips to Disney for a long time and we just had the best group of people this time. My husband was so excited to be there and loves hitting every ride. My sister brought her hilarious friend that I just adored. We all had a really great time.

About 2 days before we left, I knew I needed a fill something fierce but I wasn't scheduled to go in until a week later (which was today) I had perfect restriction for the entire month and then BAM flood gates opened.

At first MS and I shared meals at the parks. Even half of the meals were way more than what we normally ate but we were ok with that. Well of course, sharing meals with someone gets old after a while. You don't always want the same things so towards the end we started ordering on our own.

We ate way too much. I started feeling guilty on one of our last nights when I ordered a lobster roll. I planned on eating the lobster salad with a fork and leaving the bread. But after my first bite of the super soft bread going down with no problem, it was very hard to stop.

The good news is, we ate like crap, but we walked about 50 miles over the entire week, so I came back and lost 1 lb.

It's crazy to me that you have to walk THAT much just to burn what we ate. I will say that even though I ate a lot, I still didn't eat half as much as I have on past trips!

The good news is that we were both scheduled for our 2nd fills today! We both were ready for her to shut it down! If you are a normal reader I"m sure you remember my first drama filled adjustment.

Well today, MS went first and he reported back that he didn't pass out and everything went fine. I took the atavan pill 30 minutes before I went to the doctor's office as directed. When I got there, she told me that MS had done great, and she actually had done quite a bit of research after our last visits to better understand our reaction the last time (When doctors say things like that I instantly fall in love. I have so much respect for a doctor that does continuous research and doesn't just sit on his/her heels acting like he/she is the end all be all.)

Anyways - she explained that there are nerves that go from our brains down and are on each side of our stomach. We both have an issue of sensitivity with that nerve. Some people don't have that issue, some people do. For me, when she fills my band, that nerve gets aggravated and causes me to pass out.

So today, I was standing up, she located the port with the fluoroscope and marked it on my belly. She inserted the needle and that hurt a little more than last time. But still no big deal.

As soon as she started filling the band I had the same feeling as last time, but I remained in control and didn't panic. I told her I was getting light headed but I was still ok, she acknowledged that I was starting to lose color but she kept going. Every few seconds I told her how I was feeling and then she was done.

She had me lie down and she tilted the table back. As soon as I laid down I was fine. I never actually passed out this time so I recovered much quicker.

She explained that next time she'll fill the band in even smaller increments until we can get it so the nerve doesn't react. I'm ok with the fact that this is just something I'll have to deal with on a monthly basis.

She said that she'd see me in a month and I explained what happened last week (flood gates) and she said it is perfectly ok for me to come in a week early if I'd like. Because she does this with the fluoroscope every time she will never over fill me and cause issues.

If you have not  had this surgery yet and are just in the research phase I would highly recommend choosing a doctor that uses a Fluoroscope for every fill. It gives the doctor the ability to see the fill and give you perfect restriction every month. From what I've read, it hurts a lot less because the doctor doesn't have to dig around for the port. Also, everyone has talked about finding the green zone and how hard it is to get there. I believe I was in the green zone for 3 full weeks last month and I'm positive that it was because of the fluoroscope.

Well, I should get back to work. I'm a little tired from that atavan pill, but I have lots to do today. I really missed everyone while I was on vacation and I can't wait to catch up on all of your blogs!

Not Much to Report!

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I definitely had a nice one.

Crazy about Whitney huh? Definitely had one of those unbelievable technology moments last night. We have a movie theatre close by that serves dinner during the show, so Ms and I went there last night. While we were waiting in the lobby, he told me that Whitney Houston had died. I asked how and he said, there were no details yet because the news had just broke about 9 minutes ago. I swear to you not even 10 minutes later, the movie before ours let out and people were literally talking about Whitney Houston while they were walking OUT OF THE theatre. Isn't that crazy?! I can't believe that people knew about it so quickly. I can't even imagine what the world will be like in 10 years. Maybe we'll have a news ticker feed on the bottom of our contacts or something. Plasma contact lenses in 1080p. Ha!

Anyways! Our fitbits came in a few days ago! They are so motivating it makes me laugh a little. On the fitbit dashboard there are these stupid little badges that you get for certain number of steps or stairs you take. You better believe that my 30 year old ass walked up stairs, walked back down, and then walked back up to do my laundry today just for that badge. haha I know that's ridiculous, but I did it!  I also shopped my ass off today. literally. I walked almost 7 miles, it's so fun knowing that stuff. And it's super fun buying smaller clothes!

Well I hope everyone has a great week!

Am I Freaking Myself out?

I need some help. I'm having a head struggle. Any thoughts or advise is welcome!

At our first post-op appointment with the dietitian she explained that we need to keep our meals to 4 oz. That hasn't been a problem at all. I'm always pretty full when I finish off my 4 oz of food and sometimes at night I just can't eat anything (that only happens once in  a while) She also said something like this, "You should aim for about 800 calories a day, but I don't want you to worry about calories right now, just get your protein in."

No problem. Now that we have progressed onto normal foods, I've been trying to keep my calories between 800 and 1000. Every once in a while when I really feel like a huge cheater I still only get to about 1,200 that's happened just a couple of times.

On the fitness front, I'm working out 3 mornings a week @ the Y. I normally do 30 minutes on the elliptical and I'm always trying to increase the intensity. On the off days I go to planet fitness with MS. I'm really digging the curves style work out they have. I normally take 1 full day off from working out every week. I know that's a lot and I'll only go as far as my body lets me go. But I've been enjoying it and I find great reward in seeing the calories burned on Myfitnesspal.

Those two variables have been great so far. The weight is really coming off and I've been fine, energy wise. A couple of times in the past week I've been a little tired after the gym in the morning and I'll have a yerba mate tea and feel great. I got over the fact that Myfitnesspal always gives me the starvation warning. It bothered me for a while, but hell, I'm doing what I was told and I trust the team we're working with.

So yesterday I read a blog on eating too few calories and shutting off your metabolism, blah blah blah ... and of course today I feel tired. I've eaten 570 calories but with my exercise I've only netted 140 cals. I want to eat something, but I'm having one of those nights that the thought of food is making me ill. I even turned on the food channel to try to get hungry! Nothing.

Am I over dramatizing this in my head? Should I ask my dietitian if it's ok to limit my calories that much? I have 2 weeks until my next band adjustment, and I can't even fathom having MORE restriction than I have now. Maybe I need to read more than just 1 article about it!  AHHHH! I don't know.

Friday BYOC

Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for posting this, Jen & Drazil. I'm at work and I'm ready to knock people out today. If I had to write my own blog post it would be nothing but hateful ranting right now... ha! Breathe in ... Breathe out..... ok here it goes:

It’s Friday and that means it’s time for BYOC! Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog if you wish and ENJOY! 

1. Name a Valentine gift you would NOT want to receive.
chocolate. because at the current frame of mind I'm in I would smash the whole box in less than 5 minutes.


2. What’s your vacation personality? Do you act/eat/talk/do things differently or completely opposite from when you are not on vacation?

I have been an avid traveler since I was very young.  I don't think I act different when I vacation, but I am very aware of my surroundings and I just try to blend in.


3. Describe yourself in 5 POSITIVE words.
omg positivity today is tough! haha

confident, happy, motivated, laid back


4. Do you have any phobias or irrational fears or dislikes?
I really get creeped out by the monster sized wolf spiders in north carolina. I also really dislike people who freak out about the dumbest things.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Real life has been good. I'm moving into a new position at work that I am really happy about and proud of. I feel like this is one of those career moves that lines up with goals I set a long time ago for myself. I've made it a habit to always pray that whatever is supposed to happen, happens. Because it always seems to work out better than what I asked for in the first place.

The scale is being good to both my husband and I this week and we're getting excited about heading down to Florida next week.

Oh! On a band related topic, we received our first bills from the surgery. My bill is a lot higher than my husbands but as a total right now, we owe about 3K for the surgery. There will probably be a little more that pops up in a few weeks, but even if we pay an average of $2000 per person, the surgery has already paid us back. We're pretty sure that MS has completely kicked Type 2 diabetes and its been just under 8 weeks. He had slight sleep apnea before the surgery and he barely snores anymore. We're both sleeping better. My chiropractor mentioned that my back and neck are in wonderful condition from the work outs. Plus we've already saved most of that money in groceries. I could keep typing, but you get the idea.

Blog land is always wonderful. I love keeping up with everyone. Even though  I've been a little uninspired with writing blogs this week, I still get so happy to read comments and to read the blogs I follow.

Thanks again for posting this, I really needed to take my brain off of the office for a second so I didn't scream in someones face ;)