What Have I Gotten Myself Into?!?

Oh my gosh, I am lying here awake stressing about the absolute dumbest thing. Hopefully once I vent about it ill be able to sleep!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

First, i am excited to be running in the color vibe race tomorrow! Its my birthday and I have been looking forward to this for a couple of months! I am a big birthday person, not just for myself but for everyone. Two reasons for that 1) I don't think adults celebrate enough, we're always worried about everything and everyone else. I think everyone should have a wonderful birthday And be made to feel special 2) I also believe that people only remember 2 things about you, when you make them feel good and when you make them feel bad. So in my life, I hope I can make a lot of people feel good even if its just a small gesture like making a big deal out of a bday.

But......let me digress. I need to jump around to different stories to explain. 

As fellow wls patients, you all know its tough being big. no matter how confident and strong you are, the general population hates fatties. We've all heard the comments that people make within earshot of how horrifying obesity is. Plenty of times in my life I've walked past someone who just randomly calls me a fat ass, or had blind dates shake their head in disgust when they look at me. The comments people make are just really mean and no matter how tough you are they are incredibly hurtful. Knowing that, I try not to put myself in situations where people can make me feel that way. I dress in clothes that are my size, I try to accentuate good features while downplaying the bad ones. I don't wear jeans that let my entire ass crack hang out... You get the picture. 

This afternoon, one of my friends picked up all of our race gear for the colorvibe race. shirts/color packets/bibs etc. she dropped off the box at my office and inside was a garbage bag that said "this is your birthday outfit" Inside was a GIANT sized, hand made, adult tutu. I was mortified at the size... It was probably as big around as I am tall. 

Hold on to that image for a second while I share another experience with you. I just adore these baby tutus that are all the rage. i cant even handle little chubby baby legs and tulle. cutest thing ever. Last year, one of my co-workers and his wife had a baby. we have been good friends for a couple of years and i wanted to give them a little outfit after the baby was born.  I spent a lot of time and money making the sweetest pink tutu for their newborn girl along with a big flower headband and a sweet onsie. In addition to that, I made a dinner and took everything over to their house with my friend. When we got there his wife had a shit fit. She absolutely HATED the tutu and continually told me how much she hated pink and the handmade gift I had spent at least 3 nights working on. My friend, on the other hand loved it and wanted to take pictures of the baby in it right away. His wife hated it all so much that she had to take a walk and get some fresh air while her husband dressed up this sweet child and took a million pictures of her. It was incredibly bizarre and very rude. What an ungrateful bitch. I will never forget that.

Back to the giant tutu.........

I'm not sure if my love for newborns wearing tutus was misinterpreted as a personal love for tutus. Just because i love them on babies doesn't mean I'm trying to tie one on myself.   I am mortified at the thought of wrapping this six foot tutu around the fattest part of my body, while trying to run a 5k. running a 5k at my size already puts me in the standout-like-a-sore-thumb-category. 

What the hell do i do? I refuse to act like my friend's wife and completely bash a handmade gift. That thing is a 1/2 a mile long for God's sake, it must have taken her more than a week! Her fingers probably bled tying those knots. 

I also want to cry at the thought of wearing it and making myself the instant butt of every fat joke.  It's pretty much asking for 20 something's to fire hateful fat comments my way. I'm too old for this shit!!! 

Uggggghhhh I am mortified. I know I'm too old to be this dramatic about nothing, but this is really upsetting me!!!!!! I could barf, thank God my lapband is so tight or else I'd probably be stress eating right now!!!!