Sunday, December 30, 2012

Atkins Day 2

This weekend was good, other than staying in bed and napping on the couch a little too much. Since we'll be heading to the islands in a little more than a month it's time to lose some weight!

It's really crazy to me that I am literally never hungry. I have a serious addiction to food. I just eat because I want to. If you're thinking about getting the band and can relate, I would suggest working with someone on the addiction at the same time as the surgery. I really wish I would have done that and I really need to do that in 2013.

We started Atkins yesterday and I've done well so far. I'm going to get up and go to the gym in the morning to get back into my routine.

I'm trying to stay away from watching the food channel, perusing recipes on pinterest and staying far away from the pantry which is still full of chips and crackers from the holidays. Yikes! I think all of that stuff triggers me to get up and mindlessly eat stuff.

Thank you for the comments on my recap of 2012. I am going to slam the door shut on all of the bullshit and just pray for a calmer year. Since all of the vacations we planned this year got scrapped, I'm also praying that the vacations we have planned for 2013 go off without a hitch and that we can truly relax on all of them with no drama, death or illness!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

1 Year and 10 Days Ago...

If I could sum up the past year in one word it would have to be ... extreme.

My husband and I were banded a year and 10 days ago. It was for sure the best gift I've ever given to myself.

The first 6 months for us were wonderful. In fact, we were told that we could expect to lose 50% of our excess body weight in the first year and we both lost that in 4 months!! Awesome!! We didn't just get banded and then wait around for the weight to drop off. We followed a very strict diet and at my best I was working out about 9 times a week. We made sure that every time we worked out we did a little more.

Around June life started really effing with us and my self discipline started wavering. I've been so absent from this blog for the past 6 months and I feel bad about that. I think I'm of a sound mind and feel like I'm mentally stable, but in the past month or two I've been telling myself to go talk to someone about everything that has happened this year just to get it out.The truth is seeing psychiatrist is going to cost me and I need to wait until 2013 for my flex spending to re-up. So, I'm going to start by airing it all out on this blog in the final days of 2012 and hopefully just let it go. I don't want to carry any of the past with me into the new year because it's just too damn heavy. Stick with me, this story is dramatic.

So here it goes:

My immediate family is extremely close knit. My parents would go to the end of the earth for us and we would all do the same for them. The past couple of years have been hard on my dad financially. The construction industry in Michigan is still struggling. A year or so ago he had to go back to manual labor and he is just too old for that. This year he was hurt on the job and workman's comp paid for a while. Right before he was supposed to have knee replacement surgery as a result of the injury, everything went to hell in a hand basket. Workman's comp denied everything.... and to spare you the details, for a few weeks we had to dig deep and figure out what to do. Would they move down and live with us? Could MS and I buy them a place to live? Would they foreclose on the house? Do we go up and sell everything? My dad even made comments about his life insurance policy and I swear to you, in the most calm and rational way, he was literally putting killing himself out on the table as a viable option. I mean it was really fucking terrible.

My heart was completely broken, I was 1,000 miles away from them, and I willingly took on the role of leading them through the crisis. MS and I researched lawyers, social security, disability, workers comp rights. It was a very dark, low and rough time for all of us.

We were able to put together a plan, get a lawyer, and he was able to get his surgery. We had planned a trip up to MI in August anyway and it turned out that we were going to be up there about 3 weeks after his surgery. Both MS and I wanted to get stuff done around the house for them and take care of anything they needed. I needed that vacation so badly from all that stress. I just needed to be with my parents and needed to recover from such a stressful situation with them.

About 3 days into the trip we got the call that MS's grandpa was starting to lose his battle with lung cancer. So we cut the trip short, flew back to NC. We flew with our kid/dog which will never happen again because it was a complete nightmare. We even had vet prescribed doggie xanax. Looking back, I should have just threw back the whole bottle myself. You may even remember my story about getting stuck on a coney in Detroit. That just added to the horror.

We made it to VA in time and were with the entire family when MS's grandpa passed. It was very emotional and my husband took it very hard. I had to step up again and be strong for him, while inside I was still hurting and reeling from my own family's issues.

About a month later, I was headed to San Fran for a work conference. Turns out MS was supposed to be in Denver for work the following week so we met up with family and stayed the weekend in Denver(which was also our 2 year anniversary)Right before I left for San Francisco, I received a suspicious message that involved my husband. I ignored it went to San Fran and planned on asking him about it over the weekend in Denver.

I never found a good time to ask him about the message so I ignored it. I went home and he stayed in Denver for his training. On the eve of our 2nd anniversary, I got home and decided to look into it a little more. I couldn't sleep and the realization that something very bad was going on completely washed over me. At 1:00 in the morning I called him and asked him about it. Turns out he was having "inappropriate conversations" over the Internet with this disgusting hog of a female. I never in my life imagined that our marriage was even to a point like that. I didn't sleep for a minute that night.

He immediately worked out the details with work and flew home. I went to a work meeting looking like a freak and I couldn't concentrate and was fighting falling asleep. How the FUCK? How the FUCK did that fucking happen?! What THE FUCK?

He said that I was working so much and this trash bag emailed him telling him how great he looked and it made him feel good. Other than that he would not give up any other information. My whole fucking world got rocked to the core. I can't even begin to explain to you the hurt and grief and the pain that caused me. We have always had such a good relationship. He has always been my very best friend. I have never in my life felt or experienced that type of betrayal. And to top it off ... she is a disgusting human being. Not attractive and posts horrible half naked self portraits of herself all over the Internet. What in the actual fuck? He holds strong that they never talked about meeting up, or set up any type of time to actually cheat, but that the conversation was flirtatious and inappropriate.

I researched divorce, I researched cheaters, I searched my soul. I didn't want to get a divorce and I hated myself for not wanting to dump his ass. I questioned whether or not I even wanted to have kids. Why bring kids into a home that could be broken in the future? WHAT THE FUCK? I didn't get married until I was 29 years old and we have such a good relationship. I trusted him with every ounce of my being and that all got ripped away. Holy shit. I cried for weeks. I still cry about it.  I also slipped into depression. I told my boss and I told my best friend and I really didn't talk about it much to anyone.

I was still hurting from lost time with my parents so we planned a trip to my sisters for Thanksgiving. I started feeling better and looking forward to seeing them. About 3 weeks before Thanksgiving my sister sent us a text that said she got promoted and was moving to Florida. Thanksgiving trip was cancelled.Great. I just wanted to be with my parents. I cried and cried.
We adjusted our sails and booked flight to just go to Michigan for Thanksgiving because I just needed it.

Here's where the story gets dramatic......

Two days before we were supposed to leave. My husband got diagnosed with testicular cancer. Now I've always thought that I was a strong person. Well that's what it took to break my soul. Just broke.
holy shit. That was the darkness. Depression is not a strong enough word to describe my state of mind at that time.

He had to have surgery and scans right away. We cancelled our flights and trip again.

MS's mom came down for the surgery, but was so sick the morning before, she had to go home. She didn't want to risk getting MS sick.

We had told my parents not to come down so that MS' family could be there for as long as they wanted. So there I was by myself in a very very bad place.

Before he went to surgery we found out that the blood tests and CT scans were very good and showed no sign of cancer anywhere else in his body. But we wouldn't know anything else until about 2 weeks after surgery.

1 week after, he was admitted to the hospital because his incision was infected. It was so bad, he could barely go to the bathroom by himself, so I stayed with him for 2 or 3 sleepless nights. One of the nights while he was sleeping I just lost my shit. Sitting there in the dark. I'm a big believer in karma and I swear this year I paid for everything I have ever done wrong to anyone in my life.

After that, things started slowly getting better.

They ended up opening up a part of his incision to drain and treated him for 5 days in the hospital. I learned how to pack an open wound and I'm still doing that. If I were to guess, I think we have about 4 more weeks until that thing closes up nicely. Turns out the tumor they removed was benign. He doesn't need chemo or radiation. Just needed the surgery to remove it. Definitely caught a break with that one. My parents came down for a week to help us out. I needed that. I really needed that. 

So now I'm here, feeling sad that I've put some weight back on. Somewhere along the way I forgot how to use my band. I forgot that I'm never hungry and just started shoving anything that would slide past the band in my face.

I'm embarrassed to go get a fill because I've put weight on. Lately I've been out of breath walking up stairs. All of my clothes are too tight and I feel like a lard ass. But you know what? I didn't gain ALL of my weight back. So I'm still ahead in this whole thing.

The good news is that I have effing killed it at work this year. I just qualified for a Caribbean vacation through work and what feels even better is that in a time when the economy sucks I was instrumental in doubling the size of the company I work for and taking the sales from $2M LY to almost $4M TY. That feels great.

So from today forward, I'm reteaching myself how to use my band. Knowing myself I'll probably have to do this every year. But that's OK. I forgive myself. I forgive my husband.  I'm moving on. The universe chewed me up and spit me out this year, so hopefully it moves on to bigger and better things in 2013.

If you've read to this point. Thank you for letting my vent. I'm putting this out there and I'm leaving it there. It's too heavy to carry.

Onward to 2013! Happy EFFING New Year! :)

Monday, October 29, 2012

Why am I Fighting This Band?

Man I am really raging against my band today. After my stuck episode in Detroit I vowed I would never let that happen again. I've been pretty good about it, but you know somedays the band is more finicky than others.

This morning, like a drug addict, I stopped and got some breakfast on the way to work. Not sure why... the shit doesn't even taste that good. Good news is, prior to surgery I would have had a value meal and probably something else, but this time I got a hashbrown. The guy asked if I wanted two for a dollar and of course I just said sure.

First Bite, stuck. Good. Serves me right. But for some reason that didn't stop me once I got to the office. Why can't I just stop? Cold hashbrowns aren't even good! I went through the whole watery mouth thing and almost barfed in my office.

Around lunch time, instead of making a shake like I should have I got a plate of peruvian food from the Monday lunch people in our building. Ate more than enough and then stuck again. It never fails. I can't figure out why I'm doing this to myself.

I'm going to the gym tonight come hell or highwater I need to at least do something good for myself after a day of abuse.

Monday, October 1, 2012

When Life Knocks You Down ...

Woah ... just when I thought it couldn't get worse! I had some serious life altering drama last week y'all. It's way too much to get into on a blog. But shit.

I might have posted this once already but I need to post it again. I saw this on an e card recently and I swear this is my new motto:

I'm teetering on the edge of completely losing it, but I know I can keep it together. My lapband is definitely keeping me from eating my weight in garbage that's for sure. I've been trying to eat a can of tuna fish for the past 45 minutes and every bite I take gets stuck. I'll thank it later for that one.

I can't wait to see the pictures from BOOBS!! I am so so sad that I bought my ticket and then couldn't go. I had to go to California for work for a week, which was really great but I'm still so sad that I missed out. There's always next year!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Waterfall Affect

I woke up at 4:00 this morning with my dog/child sitting next to my bed quietly staring at me. How can anyone not like dogs? Blows my mind.

Made it to the Y nice and early! Got a quick workout in. Sat in the steam room for a bit and took my time getting ready in the silent, ever so secret family locker room. Let me tell you that place is VIP in the mornings because no one thinks about using it. Plu, they are freshly cleaned from the night before.

Things are feeling like they are getting back to normal. I think the whole key is the workout. Once I put the time in to work out it waterfalls into every other facet of my life. My eating habits just fall back into place and I'm more organized at work even. I just have to keep going. I'm thinking about setting up an appointment with a therapist. I have never been able to just keep steady with my weight. I'm either losing or gaining. nothing in between. Thank God the band helped me not gain as much as I would have. But I can't keep treating my body like this. So we'll see. I keep saying I'd like to make an appointment and always mean to look into what coverage we have for it and then I never do.

On a different note, I have to say I sure have missed all of the banded bloggers out there. It's so good to see how far everyone has come and it's really inspiring! I'm still catching up on blogs so if you get 7 comments from me in 1 day you'll know why :)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Embarassing Moments and More Vodoo

Let's talk about accountability. In January, MS and I joined Planet Fitness because they had the $99 for a whole year deal and I wasn't so sure I was going to stick with a gym plan at that time. I still wanted to take other classes etc, so I also took advantage of a benefit that is offered by my company. They pay $40 towards a gym membership at the YMCA or Lifetime Fitness every month and the remainder gets taken out of my check. Well Lifetime is super expensive, but with the Y membership costs me $1.80 and it's taken out of every paycheck. Not bad, $43 out of pocket for the entire year. In return, I have to go to the gym at least 10 times in a 3 month rolling period.

I knew I hadn't gone to the gym a whole lot in the past three months, but oops. I really hadn't been going, because yesterday I get an email from one of our HR people that says this:


Just wanted to send a friendly reminder about the gym subsidy. You are doing a great job! Keep up the good work by going to the gym at least four times in (month). You can definitely do that!!!

June: 1

July: 1

August: 1

Goal for Sept: 4+
OMG. How embarassing is that? I only went to the gym 3 times in 3 months? That can't even be possible. I used to go almost 9 times a week! Well, I've already been 3 times this month and I would like to just knock out the 10 required visits right away so I don't have to worry about it! Plus, if I'm not working out, I'm not losing weight. Plain and simple.
Now, onto Vodoo. Last night after the gym, I was craving a fruit smoothie for some reason. So we stopped at the grocery store and I bought everything that i needed for this Green Cleansing Smoothie I found on pinterest.  I thought it was delicious and I could tell this morning that it cleanses like it says it will! The only problem is that is makes an entire blender full of smoothie, at least 3-4 servings. I put the remaining shake in an airtight container and refridgerated it over night.
This morning I took it to work, shook it up and poured about 1 cup of it in my little blender, added vanilla bean torte protein powder, a splash of almond milk and some coconut oil to make it more of a meal. I think it's just delicious. Try it out if you're into vodoo!


Monday, September 10, 2012

It's not really September is it?

Hey Y'all! Please tell me it's not September!? Where in the world has this year gone? First I wanted to say thank you so much to all of the people who left comments about praying for my dad and family. That has been and still is a very stressful situation for the past few months. I don't know if the worst is over, but there's progress so all is good for now. Our lives have been crazy lately. I haven't lost any weight and I sure have been doing everything in my power to sabotage my weight loss efforts lately. So I'm trying with all of my might to get back to the gym and get back to blogging. Hopefully with those two things my eating habits will start to fall into place again! I really want to lose 100 lbs before the end of the year so I really need to kick it into gear.

We went home to Michigan to visit my parents 2 weeks ago. We took our sweet little dog with us on the plane.. trust me... that will never happen. Ever again. Ever. Anyways, we had planned to stay for the week but actually had to cut the trip short because MS' grandpa took a turn for the worst. We were able to back to NC and then drive up to VA in time to go see him and then be there when he passed. It was really sad but also very peaceful. 

I have a not so cool band story to tell you about home though. Holy shit. Have you ever heard of the great Detroit rivalry between American Coney Island and Lafayette Coney Island? Well being that I'm from around Detroit, I always used to go to Lafayette with my girlfriends after a night out partying. I never even knew about American Coney even though it is right next door. So last year before surgery, MS and I went to Lafayette and American and had one coney at each. We decided hands down that lafayette was the most amazing coney we had ever had in our lives. So on this trip we wanted to go back. We knew we wouldn't be able to eat all of it like we used to, but still wanted to have a little bit.

On our way to the airport we stopped in Detroit and got a couple of coneys. There is a really pretty little city garden next to it that we sat in. I was completely fine, just ate the hot dog and the chili with a fork and skipped the bun. MS only ate about half of his hot dog and had to get up and walk around (he doesn't do well with any type of sausage or meat that has a casing on it) So after walking around a bit he was fine, but he was done eating. So just as I was about to wrap it up and go, I ripped off a piece of the bun and ate it as I started standing up. I must have swallowed it without chewing well because what was about to happen was the worst experience I have ever had with my band to date.

I felt stuck so I got up and walked a bit, and we walked the dog back to the car and got the A/C going so he didn't cook in the car. That's when the pain came.... and then the urge to barf my brains out. I had to walk up and down the busy street over and over. A few times my whole body lurched like i was going to throw up, but just clear watery spit came out. That kept happening over and over. At one point there were two guys walking down the street and I faced MS. I heaved but kept my mouth shut as I was standing right across from him. He jumped so far out of the way. I didn't projectile vomit on him or anything. I was just so self conscience because all of the people around, so I went back in the gardens and hid between the tall sunflowers and willed myself to barf. Nothing. Finally the urgent pain went away and we had to get on the road to the airport. About 2 minutes after being on the road. It came back full force. God Bless my sweet husband who understands the pain i was going through. We luckily had a zip lock bag in the car because every time I would barf clear spit -- or I guess that's called sliming -- he would hold the bag for me to spit in as I was driving (I know how to drive around there and only my name was on the rental car-hence why I was even driving in the first place) We had to pull off the road and I actually had to bend over and take a tiny sip of water and it finally went through. Honestly that was horrifying. All for a little piece of hot dog bun. The area around my band was so sore and tight for the whole night and morning afterwards.

 I've read stories about people getting stuck and "sliming" and all of that jazz. But I had never had any of that happen. I've gotten stuck before and have had some painful moments that have taken my breath away but woah. I don't ever want that to happen again.

So that's really all on the band front. I've been back to the gym for the past few days and I'm so sore! I know that's a good thing, I just have to keep it up!! How has everyone else been! I am going to catch up on blogs this week to see what I've missed!!!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Need a Fav.

Friends, I'm still alive! Just haven't had much weight loss related activity in my life!! But still feeling good with minimal gain!

Just need to ask a favor. Please send some prayers my family's way. Some hard times have fallen on my parents and I just needed to ask someone/anyone for some prayers. I need some guidance so that I can stand up and do everything in my power to help them and I know they need guidance on how to get through this.

I know that's vague and cryptic, but any prayers help.

Lots of love and appreciation

Monday, June 18, 2012

Step One....

1. Don't stop for a 400 calorie coffee on the way to work. Check.
2. Make a protein shake for breakfast. Check.
3. Track your protein shake in Check
4. Drink some f*#king water. ha! On my way to the kitchen now.

It's going to be a tough week but I can do this! Getting back on the bandwagon one small step at a time!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Checking In

Hey Y'all! I just got a chance to catch up on blogs and I hope everyone is doing fab! Not only have I fallen off the wagon, I've jumped in front of and got ran over by a food truck... and I haven't worked out in 2 weeks. Holy shit. I need to get it together.

I'm not super upset about falling off the wagon, but I'm also not losing weight which isn't cool at all!!  60 more pounds to go! Yikes!

The good thing about this whole situation is the fact that I haven't gained weight! That's a huge, huge deal for me. So please say a little prayer for me, I need help getting refocused!!!

But guess what, Next Friday is my birthday!!! Yaaaaaaaaaahhhaayyy!! I can't wait.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Smaller Clothes, Goals and Other Things

So this is the green zone. I heart the green zone. I have to force myself to drink a protein shake in the mornings, because the thought of food doesn't even appeal to me. My whole life, I always had skinny friends that made sour faces at the thought of eating. This must be what they felt like.

I love it. I drank most protein shakes this week and although I know that is not a long term plan, and not advised by my dietitian and I secretly love it. This is what I've needed to get the scale moving again. I'm relishing in this while it lasts!

Onto better news, I bought a pair of size 18 shorts today! YAHOOO! just over 5 months ago I was squeezing into size 24's. Man that feels good.

MS and I have a wedding to go to next weekend so I've been dress shopping. I'm loving every second of it. I was hoping to be in regular sizes by now so my options would be limitless but hell, I'm happy!

A few months ago set a goal for myself to lose 20 more lbs and then I'd get a profile update. Well! I hit that goal!! YAY!! I'm going to get on it and actually give my blog a nice face lift! Can't wait!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

P.S. is anyone reading the 50 shades books? Holy shit.

Thursday, May 24, 2012


Happy Thursday! Ten Things!

1. Did everyone see the picture Reggie posted in that purple dress? Hot to death.

2. The grossest thing is happening to me right now. My hair loss has seemed to slow down, but today as I getting all the knots out of my hair I noticed red spots on my scalp. The whole top of my scalp is covered in red dry spots. SICK! AND there's gray hair everywhere. UGH! I bought some head and shoulders and I hope that takes care of this little embarrassing issue.

3. You know what's a lot more fun after you've lost a lot of weight? sex. ha!

4. Today is my second day of self inflicted liquid diet. It's been pretty good. MS got a fill today so I jumped on the bandwagon with him.

5. I am so excited for this long weekend I can't even stand it. I have been going into work early and staying late so much for the past few months that I hit a wall this week. I had a hard time focusing on anything today. I might extend this liquid diet through the weekend and I'm not talking about protein shakes.

6. So I have mentioned before that I have PCOS, and that is one of the main reasons that pushed my decision to get a band. For me, my PCOS made my period just disappear for months and then I'd get a period that lasted for months. In an effort to spare you the gory details, I'll just say that twice, it got so bad that I actually passed out because it was depleting my iron levels. So anyways I haven't had a normal cycle in almost 10 years without the help of birth control. Even though birth control is the only treatment I have been on for PCOS, I actually took it upon myself to stop taking it a few months ago because it was giving me really bad acne. So I am incredibly excited to tell you that I started my normal period today for the second month in the row!!! With NO help from pills, last month it lasted for 1 week and stopped! OMG!! YAY! I know periods are super annoying, but I'm almost* as happy to have it as I was when I was trying on clothes at Forever 21 last weekend!! IS IT POSSIBLE THAT MY OVARIES ARE WORKING?! OMG PLEASE!? That would be the best thing ever.

7. Today the little man at work that I was talking about last week wasted so much of my time. I'm going to start keeping a log of how many times he just interrupts me throughout the day and I'm going to start leaving invoices on his desk. Then I'm going to whoop his ass. I swear I would love to just wrestle that dude. Like MMA style.

8. Have I ever told you about my alter ego? You know how Beyonce has an alter ego named sasha fierce? Well mine is named Janet Jackson. She's been around since a pretty funny night in college and man she has been gettin crazy lately.

9. On that same note, I love birthdays and I really like to make a big deal about them. I do it for everyone because being an adult is super lame and I think everyone deserves a little celebration! That being said, I like to celebrate my own birthday too and this year I'm going to let Janet Jackson wear sequins, slutty makeup and big hair. Shit, I might even clip a weave in!

10. I was just thinking about how grateful I am. I feel so blessed. Moving to NC by myself 6 years ago was extremely tough. I left my amazing family and wonderful friends all behind and just kind of leaped to see what would happen. Finally, after lots of heartache, I feel complete again. Life is definitely a journey and if you just trust that God will guide you to everything you have ever asked for, he will.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Just Kidding Y'all!

Michelle's surgery is on Wed! It wasn't today! Sorry Michelle!

Filled Up

WOAH-ZER! My Band is tight! This is the first time I noticed a significant tightness early in the morning.

Also, you know how they always say eat your protein first? Well today is the first time I experienced that scenario. I went out of the office today to pick up my $1000.00 Gift Certificate for Sunglasses that a few friends and I won on Facebook (WOOHOO!) And I decided to grab a kids burrito bowl from qdoba instead of eating my normal tuna fish.

So the lady put rice in the bottom of the bowl before i could tell her to skip that part, then I just opted for the chips with the kids meal instead of turning them down like I should have.

So right before I got back to the office I popped a few chips in my mouth. Not a diet killer, but not the best decision. Well, I got to my desk took two bites of chicken and that was it for me. I was not overly stuffed , but I was full. And I knew if I took another bite bad things would follow. I didn't even get close to that rice that shouldn't be in the bowl! There goes my protein for the day! Dang it! I might need a protein shake for dinner.

Heck maybe this is what I need for a little while. Oh, or maybe I need to dial it back a bit and start eating my protein first AND eat it over a 20 minute time period like I was told!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Surgeries Tomorrow

Wanted to send prayers and good thoughts to Colleen and Michelle on thier surgeries tomorrow!!

Saturday, May 19, 2012


oh my goodness. I can't wipe the smile off of my face today. I really can't.

I try not to put a whole lot of emphasis on material things, but I am human. Stuff is just stuff but at the end of the day about $100 worth of stuff really made me happy today. It was kind of a pay off for every single morning I forced myself out of bed at 5:00 am to go to the gym.

For me, one of the most depressing/horrifying things about being overweight was clothing.
I have always loved fashion in fact, I was actually a professional makeup artist for seven years. Quickly after I started college I had to start shopping at plus size stores. It hurt my heart shopping with friends at stores where nothing fit me. It embarrassed me to take friends to plus size stores for a while, but even when it stopped being embarrassing, I still didn't shop with friends much. I envied my friends who raided each other's closest for clothes. I hated my wedding dress, but I settled on it because it was one of the only samples that I could actually try on. Last year It was horrifying shopping for a formal dress. It's like all plus size clothing is either a. frumpy b. floral smock-ish or c. cut to really accentuate how fat you really are. I kept saying, "Am I the only fat person in the world who needs a dress for a wedding that isn't styled for an 80 year old?"

I started wearing a size 10 shoe when I was a teenager. not a big deal, but In the past few years all that weight made my feet wider and I was confined to size 11 which has just recently become somewhat available. blahhhh. How lame.

So enough of the sob story. Today I walked into Forever 21 and went on a shopping spree. It was still plus sizes. But I didn't even care because their plus sizes are normal sizes in a women's store!!! Even though I'm on the brink of being a bit too old to be shopping at Forever 21 I tried on the absolute cutest things. I was dancing in the dressing room. I would post pics but I need to get some camis and a slip for under the dresses I bought. They are all awfully see through, but here are 2 of the items from the website. I also snagged a super cute yellow dress with a bias hem and some fluorescent pink sandals that are fab!

The one thing that really upsets me about Forever 21 is the fact that plus size there starts at size 12. It hurts my heart because I know there are a ton of teenagers who are mortified by the fact that they are shopping in a  very limited section of the store and it's labeled plus size!!!
I'm sorry but size 12 is pretty normal. In fact the skinniest I have ever been in my life was a size 14 and I was damn thin then! Oh well, off my soapbox!

After we were finished at forever 21, we went to the plus size section of Belk. Sifting through the racks and racks of floral smocks just solidified how wonderful my shopping experience was at Forever 21. I can finally dress like myself and pretty soon I'm going to really  be able to dress however the hell I want! YES!!! THANK YOU LAP BAND!!!!!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Welp, I Thought We Had This Fill Thing Under Control

So I had a new experience today. This one was extra special.

Like I mentioned yesterday my band was WIDE open again. I even ate a little bit of steak last night because it was so loose. I will say, that was a great decision on my part. yum.

This morning I wanted a mother of a fill. Everything was great, I drank a slim fast shake, took my chill pill, and drank about 90% of a bottle of water on my way to the doctor's office.

She said she gave me a .5ml fill which is what I've been averaging every 3-4 weeks. Didn't get dizzy and didn't even feel like I was going to pass out.

I left the place without an issue, and I called my mom and dad to see how my dad was feeling. While I was dialing I took a quick sip of water. It went down a little gurgly, but not a big deal.

Got to work, and saw that the car detailers were working in the parking lot today and decided to see how much it would be to get my car cleaned up.The price was pretty fair so I decided to go back out to an atm to get cash for it.

That's when all hell broke loose.

As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot I took the last sip of my water. Not gulp, just the last sip. Instantly stuck. Watery/pukey mouth, sweaty, tears, snot, horrifying pain in my band.

I kept breathing and trying to swallow. I've been stuck 2 times before and I knew it would pass. It just needed to get through. It was just flippin water! The pain kept getting worse. I had to pull over in a gas station because I was getting to a point of not being able to drive.

I got out of the car and started walking, my whole head was leaking... like snot, eyes just streaming water. There was so much pain but it absolutely had to pass. I mean the damn meatball I got stuck on a few weeks ago took half as much time to go through, what the hell was going on??

I called MS, because why would I call the dr first? Called the dr, they said to come right back. Then I called my best friend (SH) and told her to come get me. I couldn't even get words out right. It was like there was a car laying on my chest.

She said my voice sounded so wierd that she knew something was really wrong and she ran out of the office.  She showed up and drove me back to the doctor. It was good to have her there so I could sit there and try to burp.

I slowly got better as we made the 20 minute drive, and have the comic relief of SH there made it easier to deal.

I went in the saw the doctor, she is just wonderful. I told her what happened and was adamant that I didn't want to be unfilled. She told me to drink sip water very slowly for a few minutes and then she'd come back.

Every sip gurgled and hurt going down. Shit.

She came back in and I told her, feeling pretty defeated, how bad it felt. She took out .1 ml and I was 100% better. The brick feeling went away and water went down great. Holy crap .1 ml is all it took.

I'm super tired from the ordeal but man I'm glad I went back in. That would have been a nightmare to deal with all weekend.

Even though random crap like this keeps happening, I still think the band is the best thing I've ever done for myself.

Now let's see that scale move!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Is It Thursday Yet?

What day is it? Seriously. One of those weeks. I don't have anything too fab to write about so I'm just going to play 10 things Thursday a few hours early!

1. There is a man at work who retired from his job to come work at the company I work for. He's just a wee little guy and he doesn't do shit. He talks about himself non-stop, he plays on linked in and hotmail all day, tries to expense everything and treats all the females in the office like we're secretaries. Even though most of us hold much higher positions than he does. Some days, when he's wasting every one's time in a meeting, I fantasize about flipping the conference table over, climbing over it and throwing that little man on my knee for a whoopin. All the while screaming, "SHUUTTT UPPP SHUTTT UPPPP" Is that weird?

2. I hope you have come to understand my sense of humor by now, even though I was only partially kidding. Ha!

3. Every Wednesday the instructor that teaches bosu (not the bouncy balls instructor, the other one) Alternates between bosu and turbo kick. I like turbo kick but I decided to try a different class that starts at the same time but in the gym. It's called Sports conditioning. It was totally not fun, but it was a good work out. I really didn't like the instructor all that much. But she had us run up and down three flights of stairs 6 times. It was bananas.

4. I've noticed that in any work out whether it's yoga or whatever where I have to lay on my stomach, my port really gets sore for a couple of days. And honestly I still have quite a bit of belly fat that pads that thing, I can't imagine how it will feel 40 lbs from now.

5. My dad hurt his knee today at work. Long story but after working for a company for close to 30 years in MI, he's back to doing physical labor at 64 years old. It worries me to my core because the economy is still in bad shape up there. If you would just include him in your prayers for me I would be forever grateful.

6. Even though I haven't shown weight loss on the scale, my band is wide open. I wasn't scheduled until next week for a fill, but she's fitting me in early tomorrow morning. I went and picked up a fillet tonight to make for dinner because I do miss steak. I plan on having her SHUT IT DOWN tomorrow. So I figured a nice little piece of steak tonight would be glorious.

7. That steak was glorious.

8. Speaking of glorious. Last week I went to New York for a week for some Salesforce Admin Training. Anyone out there familiar with Salesforce? Anyways, we stayed in the financial district, which was actually a first for me. I always stay up by 102nd and Broadway when I go, so this was just a fab treat for me. My boss and I went to Fraunces Tavern which is in the oldest standing building in Manhattan. It was wonderful. We split a bottle of malbec and then proceeded to order a few more glasses after that. But the moral of my story is that we ordered a whole bunch of small stuff and split it. I actually had brussel sprouts for the first time and I could have passed out from the goodness. Since then, I have made a couple of brussel sprouts in a different way every night this week. Last night I made them with Parmesan cheese and MS tried them. Way after we were done eating he goes, "honey..... I'm not going to lie....those brussel sprouts were bangin!" Haa!

9. Tonight I made the brussel sprouts in a pan with a little splenda brown sugar and balsamic. Even though I'm not hungry, the thought of them makes me want to get up and make some more. But I'll refrain.

10. A Fill and a Haircut tomorrow! I wonder what brussel sprouts would taste like in a protein shake. ;) kidding. sick.

And with that... I leave you with my favorite inspirational quote:

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

If You're Struggling, Read This....

I just adore Brenda The Bandster Momma and everything she writes. Lots of ladies that I follow are struggling right now, and I think everyone should read this:

Quit Beating Yourself Up

This journey to change ourselves is not easy. No one said it would be. But we've all taken a step in the right direction and we're all here to pick eachother up.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Zumba First Timer!

Tried Zumba today on a whim and loved it. It was a really great work out! I really enjoyed it and I feel like it will make me a better dancer.

Have I ever told you guys that MS and I love ballroom dancing? I'll save that for another post!

Hibachi @ Home!

Obviously, MS and I have quite a unique set up in that we are both going through this at the same time. Everyone recommended against it, the doctors, family, everyone. I knew in my heart that was the way it was going to go, and we just went with it.

I can't even explain in words how grateful I am to have someone to go through this with. It's interesting because I think I'm tougher than MS when it comes to pain and feeling bad, and he's one thousand times tougher when it comes to sticking to the rules and playing everything by the book. So after surgery when he didn't want to get up I kept pushing to get him up and walk. On the flip side, when I slip a piece of food in my mouth after a fill, when I'm supposed to be on liquids, he always catches me. It balances out nicely.

I always wonder what it would be like if I were doing this on my own, or if we had kids to keep up with. I can't even imagine the temptations around and if I could stick to the rules as easily as I do now.

The reason I'm saying all of this is that when I make new meals, I always think if it would work for someone else who lives with non-bandsters. I love the muffin tin meals, because regular eaters can take an extra meatloaf or lasagna for a full serving. Or they can add a big salad to the side of it because, let's be real, who gets tempted by a salad?

So tonight, I made stir fry for the first time ever. I wanted to do it hibachi style so MS could make his how he wanted and I could make mine with broccoli. While I was making it I thought about how great that would be to make for a group and still control my own portions.

So this is what you need:
Protein: I did chicken tenderloins
A variety of fresh veggies: I bought, Zucchini, Mushrooms, Green Beans, Broccoli and Ginger
A variety of Asian/Thai Sauces: I did Oyster Sauce, Thai Sweet Chili, Peanut Sauce
Some other things I already had on hand were: Rice Vinegar, Chili Oil, Coconut oil, Soy Sauce, Honey, Salt, Pepper, Garlic powder

I chopped everything ahead of time, marinaded the chicken and put it in the fridge. When MS got home from golfing I just heated up the pan and coconut oil and made dinner.

For portion control we put a bowl on the food scale and zero'd it out. We just added the marinaded chicken and whatever veggies we wanted. Tossed in the sauce of choice and threw it in a very hot pan with coconut oil. It was wonderful. Everyone can have only what they like and can mix up flavors and of course everyone has as much or as little as they want!

Thumbs up!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Friday, May 4, 2012


Woah the first week of May is over. What in the world?  Today I hit a big one.. the big Seven.Zero. Isn't that equivalent to a whole 7 or 8 year old kid? A husky one, even?

It really makes me feel good but I had an epiphany tonight. A few days before my surgery I saw a user on that had lost 96 lbs in 6 months. I asked her what she had done and she explained that she works out for at least 45 minutes a day. She said she started walking as soon as she could and she kept working out harder and harder each time. That was when it really clicked for me and that's what inspired me to start walking right away. I set that goal to do exactly what she did.

So periodically I check up on her on to see how much more weight she has lost. She has a newer picture and she's totally skinny. She has now lost 125 lbs and she's just a little more than a month away from her 1 year bandiversary.

Coincidentally, I am a little more than 1 month away from my 6 month bandiversary and I'm within reaching distance to the goal I set for myself right before I had surgery. It's going to take some serious discipline and I'm going to have to get back to working my ass off in the gym. But I really owe it to myself to accomplish this goal.

The past few days have been great food wise. I've really been good. I have been working out very hard, I just don't do it as much as I used to. So I'm getting up and going to the gym tomorrow for a hardcore workout.

I want to be somewhere in the -90's by my birthday which is 3 days after my 6 mo bandiversary. This is going to be tough, but it's possible. As friends, if you hear me wavering or getting whiny will you please remind me to focus on this goal? I need to do this!

Monday, April 30, 2012

You Need This Chicken Recipe

Lord have mercy. This chicken recipe is divine. You MUST try this. it was so juicy and flavorful the whole time I was eating I kept going "OOOHHH, MMMMM, YUUMMMM" ha!

Photo by Marg (Cayman Designs)

- 4 Boneless Chicken Breast Halves
- 1 cup mayo
- 1/2 cup freshly grated parm
- 1 1/2 teaspoons Seasoning Salt
- 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
1. Mix mayonnaise, cheese and seasonings.
2. Spread mixture over chicken breast and place in baking dish
3. Bake at 375°F for 45 minutes.

What Day is It?

I have so many things to tell! I'll just bullet them out.

- Yesterday I went to a Pure Barre class with my girlfriends and I can't tell you how amazing it was. I could barely do what the instructor was doing, but today every single muscle in my body has been aching. It's like the muscles you want to ache, but can never get them on your own. It was crazy.
Pure Barre, however, is kind of one of those desperate housewife type places for bitches that have someone else to pay the bills if you know what i mean (if you're one, trust me, I mean bitch in the most admirable sense, I'm totally jealous of your lifestyle). So to join this place It's $150 a MONTH and the last class of the day is at like 5:30 at night. You can, however, buy single classes which are $20 a piece.
Honestly, down the road, I could possibly consider it. It was that good. If I could do it once a week I'd probably be shredded.

Oh yeah, and everyone who goes, wears the cutest lululemon workout gear and accessorizes workout diamonds. Big .. effing.. diamonds.

- As a nice follow up to that body wrecking work out, MS and I went to Bosu tonight. I was so excited that he decided to go with me. He kept saying "This dude is the devil"

Class was ridic.  The instructor was doing high knees while running in circles, and his uhh, package, kept jumping out of his little shorts. Why is it so hard to look away in those situations? I was jumping so hard I felt like my port was going to bust loose at any second. My fat was just bouncing up and down, there were a million things to look at, but every time he jumped extra hard my head was like "AHHHH BALLS" and my eyes just shot there. I kept thinking DON'T LOOK DON'T LOOK. It was impossible.

I hope MS keeps going with me. It was fun besides the balls part.

- Soooo this weekend my girlfriends and I entered a contest for $1000 worth of sunglasses... Currently I'm winning, would you guys vote for me? Here's the link:

- MS made some chicken from a pinterest recipe that I pinned a while back and it was TO DIE FOR! I'll post that here

- I think that's it for now! Hope everyone has a great week!!!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Is That The Light?!

Holy crap, after weeks (which feels like years) of teeter tottering on the scale, I finally lost more than my lowest number!

I'm not out of the woods yet, but hopefully that's the boost I need to get back on track. The past few days have been sooo hard. No motivation to work out, and very little will power. But last night I just toughed it out. I wanted to eat anything that would fit in my mouth, but I didn't. I wasn't hungry, I just had a great fill....but my head just wanted to EAAAAATT!! I stuck to it and ate just less than 1000 calories yesterday!

Alright I'm going to the gym. I need to burn some calories! Here's some more inspiration from pinterest:

Thursday, April 26, 2012

FRS - Product Review

I'm on liquids for the day because of my fill so I tried this new Pre-mixed protein drink.

It's a nice departure from the same old protein shakes. If you don't like Pre-mixed shakes to begin with, you won't like this. But if you don't mind those shakes this is pretty good!

Gained a Little

My past few weeks have been up a little down a little. No excuses, just eating too much and not exercising enough.

I'm scheduled for a fill today and I hope that will help give me more discipline.

This is my mantra for the rest of the week:

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Re Grouping & Joining CeCe for a 30 Day Band a Thon

Good Morning! A couple of weeks ago I hit a plateau. Then promptly after that I started skidding backwards just like i normally do. Eating anything and everything I could put in my mouth, eating when I wasn't hungry, eating unhealthy foods, not weighing out my foods and definitely not tracking them!

I'm struggling right now with the fact that I still need to lose about 60 more lbs. It's daunting and feels impossible. But I know it's not. Isn't that funny? I feel stressed about having to lose 60 lbs so I shove food in my face as a result. Now THAT makes a whole lotta effing sense!

The cool thing is I have this band and when I get out of control, I can wrangle myself back in a lot easier than I could before.  Since CeCe over at is doing a 30 Day Band a Thon to get back into good habits, planning, tracking food, working out, etc. I'm going to join her.

 If anyone else is struggling right now join us. I'm on Myfitnesspal, I'll add you as a friend if you use it too and we can encourage each other. I need all the help I can get right now to get back on track.

Today I'm on all liquids to hopefully clear out some of the ick that is hanging out in my system from a week of abuse. Tomorrow I'm going to work on eating proteins and veggies. And I'm going to get my ass to the gym tonight and tomorrow so I can get this show on the road!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

BYOC a Day Late!

I'm a day late! please excuse all the crazy fonts! I copied from Jen and can't figure out how to change make them match! It’s Friday – so it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

1. Do you have any siblings? What is your relationship with them? Good, bad, ugly?
Yep! 1 sister she is 7 years older than me and we have a great relationship

 2. Let’s talk pizza. Do you prefer homemade or restaurant? What toppings are your fave?
My fav is just a good old slice of cheese pizza in NYC. But pizza on the grill is pretty bangin too.

3. When is the last time you cried – in sadness and in joy?

I had stress tears running down my face sitting at my desk yesterday. I just closed my door and let them flow for a while.

4. Do you own a gun – one that is specifically yours? Do you know how to use it?

Hell Yes I do! And she's one bad little bitch:

My husband works in federal law enforcement and he has guns that I needed to know how to use. So I took some classes with a girlfriend and got this little beauty to handle on my own. I only have a few hours to take for my concealed carry, but I haven't taken them.

Sometimes I wish i could just carry it around and shoot it in the air when people piss me off. Ha .. or in my office when someone is pissing me off, just pull it out and be like GET OUT. (i'm joking people)

5. Repeat question. Summarize your week!
Real life - stressssssful, but hopefully that's done down
blog week - I've barely had time to keep up and can't wait to catch up on everyone's blogs this weekend

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

My Husband's Graduation

Tomorrow is our 4 month bandiversary and today, MS went in today to get a fill. They checked his restriction before hand and he was still pretty restricted. So he got a very tiny fill today. She told him that he doesn't have to come back on a monthly basis any longer.  He's "graduated".

MS has lost 90 lbs in 4 months. Excuse my language, but that is un-f*!king-believable. His blood pressure is normal, type 2 diabetes is gone and he's 20 lbs away from hitting his goal weight.

I couldn't be prouder of him. Being a witness to this, I can tell you what he did to be successful. 1. He followed the instructions given to us by our medical team to the tee. 2. He started working out religiously 3. He has a BMR that could burn our house down. 4. He still loves to eat, he just doesn't eat as much as he used it.

I think he's pretty rad and he has really helped me stay on a good path. I always joke and whine about having to work harder to lose less, but I only kid. I knew going into this that it wasn't about competing with each other, it was about having each other's backs!

So now he's moved on to getting ripped......I mean, I'm not going to object to that! ;)

Love This Post

I just read this post and really loved it.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Nobody Said That It'd Be Easy, They Just Promised It'd Be Worth It

Tonight I went to my beloved bosu class with the crazy instructor. He is just a beautiful gay guy with a super skinny super toned body and his workouts are crazy.
I can't remember if I said this last week, but my first time at the class I was sitting outside watching the group before us and he was teaching. I kept thinking holy crap that guy is CRAZY HARD CORE! Then when I walked in and saw he was teaching my class I kept thinking, "aww shit."

It was funny because tonight a girl sitting next to me on the bench said the same thing to me out loud . She said " He IS INTENSE! Does he teach the next class?!" I told her yes and about how much I loved it. After the first 15  minutes we caught glances and she mouthed to me "HOLY SHIT!" haha so funny. Skinny people problems. I tell ya.

Anyways. The point of my story is this.... after the class I wanted to go talk to the instructor but for some reason I could feel myself getting teary eyed. weird. PMS I guess. I just wanted to hug him and tell him thanks, but I just kept walking. When I turned in my locker key he was standing there, and I was over that little teary eyed thing and I said to him, "Thanks for making me ugly sweat!" so we started talking and I told him that I loved his class and that I loved the other one as well. We talked about the differences and I told him that I had lost some weight and I knew this was going to help me get over a plateau. He kept saying that he was at a plateau too and he's trying to do everything to just break through it.  I said, "You don't have to lose any weight!"

And then he told me something awesome..... he said, "I lost 181 lbs!"

181!!!!!!!! And he is in AMAZING SHAPE. AMAZING. I would have hugged that man in all my ugly sweaty glory, but I'll save that for 20 lbs from now.  I told him that he was helping me more than he knows.

It's just goes to show how much everyone struggles and everyone has their own battles. I can get there, we can all get there. "Nobody Said That It'd Be Easy, They Just Promised It'd Be Worth It."

I don't know who said that quote but it's going to be my mantra for a little while, at least until I can get to 198.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Qdoba Yum!

Heads up Qdoba makes a kids naked burrito bowl for $3.00! It was about a cup of food with lots of protein. I skipped the rice and it was only about 190 calories! I couldn't even finish it. Thumbs up!

Friday, April 13, 2012


BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!
It’s Friday! That means it’s time for BYOC. Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

1. Whether you’re a parent or not….what do you think the appropriate age is to talk to a child about “the birds and the bees”?
I honestly have no clue. I think they are hearing about it very very young. Have you heard songs on the radio lately? Lord have mercy. I think I'd probably keep my ears open and address it as soon as I heard the kid talking about it  with friends or saying something they heard at school. Then I would put the fear of God in the kid about having babies.

2. What’s the color scheme in your bedroom?

Dark Brown, Caramel, Light Blue, Beige

3. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use on your hair?
I seem to use herbal essences shampoo and Aussie conditioner

4. And since it’s nearly summer time…do you paint your own toes, go some place for pedicures or not paint your toes at all? What’s your fave toe color?
Both, sometimes I do it myself, sometimes I just get a pedi. I like super bright colors in the summer

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week!

Crazy work week. A million interviews, we offered jobs to 5 people, moving our current sales team over to a new mgmt software monday. tons and tons of work.

Blog land is always good, I love catching up with everyone.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

More Bosu!

Tonight as I was holding weights over my head, standing on a squishy half ball, shaking to keep my balance, and shaking to keep holding up the weights for longer, the instructor said, "Who's ever lost 10 lbs? Imagine these weights as the 10 extra lbs you were carrying around." I wanted to scream "I LOST 60!!" but I kept it in and had a celebration in my head and then I fell off the Bosu. Ha!
After my second Bosu class, I am totally addicted. This one had a different instructor that has a completely different style but I loved him too. So, Monday nights will be balls to the walls crazy can hardly keep up Bosu/Kickboxing/Toning and Wednesday nights will be a little calmer, but just as hard bosu cardio and toning with weights. I'm so flippin excited because I can tell that this is what will blast me into the second phase of my weight loss.  I could see myself in the mirror tonight doing all these crazy jumping and toning moves and I was so grossed out by how big I looked. Seeing that twice a week is really going to help keep me in line!

Another New Blogger!

Megan is getting banded in 12 days!!  

New Blogger Alert

Sara is getting a lapband in July and she needs some followers!

Monday, April 9, 2012

Bosu / Kickboxing / Toning

Woah. I just got done with the craziest fitness class I have ever taken in my life. It was a combination of cardio and toning all on a bosu balance trainer. I got the ugly red  workout face afterwards. I realized that I've been working out hard enough to get where I am, but to get to where I want to go, I'm going to have to start working out harder!

Right now they only offer this class on Monday nights, and there is another similar one on wednesdays. So I'm going to put those into regular rotation.

Every muscle in my body is still shaky and I'll probably feel like a mess tomorrow but it was worth it

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Protein Review - Matrix Mint Cookie

I just got a delivery of Matrix Mint Cookie Protein Powder per the reccomendation of my fellow NC bandster Stephanee. Did the price searching online and still ended up buying it from

Although Syntrax Nectar Protein Powder is nutritionally superior, Matrix is also made by Syntrax so it has the wonderful flavor and spacks 24 grams of protein/140 calories per scoop.

So, how does it taste? OMG. Have you ever had a Shamrock Shake from McDonalds? This is better. You don't even have to mix in sugar free syrups and get fancy with this. Mix it with a cup of Milk, Almond Milk, or Soy Milk and little bit of ice and pass out from the goodness.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Protein Review - Isopure Protein Drink

3 Words

Dis. Gus. Ting.

Fab 4th Fill

It's seeming like I need a fill every 3 weeks and it seems to be working out great. I've lost 9 lbs since my appointment and my doctor was happy with that success.

So this is how it went down today. I had a larger than usual breakfast at about 8:30 am. I finished off half of a salad left over from Chick fil a and I had some ground turkey with it. Then I popped my chill pill and drove over to the Dr's office.

After all that, I was still 3 lbs lighter on their scale after eating and with clothes on than I was on my own scale! YES!

My sweet Dr decided to tweak the way she does the fill to deal with my passing out issue. While I was standing up, she found the port with the fluro and got the needle in (that part never bothers me)
Then we moved to the edge of the table and I sat down as she adjusted the band very slowly. Everything went as smooth as could be!

I never felt clammy or light headed at all. I wanted to hug her after we were done. She has been so wonderful through this whole thing with me.

Now my only problem is that dang chill pill has really affected me today. I feel like a zombie. I can barely get my work done. I figured I would blog to help get my brain going and working again. Hopefully after I'm done with this I can actually focus on a few things I need to get done today. But, hey. It's the last day of the week for us here so If i have to put something off until Monday so be it!!

Dreaded Hair Loss

I've been meaning to post this for some time now. I emailed my dietitian a week or so ago because if I'm going to continue to lose hair at the rate of which it is coming out I want to do everything in my power to help prevent it.

 I figured I'd share the emails between me and my dietitian for anyone who's going through the same thing.

So Here are the emails, starting with one from me:

In our last visit I was asking about hair loss and you had mentioned that for some reason at 3 months it’s possible to start losing hair. Well, I am at the 3 month mark and my hair is definitely coming out. It’s so bad that I’ve been keeping my hair tied back, not washing it for a few days because when I wash it so much comes out. As far as protein goes I’m really keeping up with it. There have only been a handful of days that I’ve missed my daily goal.

Is there anything else I can do to make this stop? I bought some vitamins with 300 mcg of biotin and started taking them last week. Should I even bother with that or should I bump it up to even more? Are there any other supplements that I could take to help?

I attached a report of my protein intake over the last 90 days from the food tracking site I use. I figured that would help give you a better idea if I need to take in more or what. I can run quite a few reports from it so let me know if I can give you anything else that might help with figuring out what to do with my hair situation.

I completely understand if I need to come in to see you for something like this, just let me know and I’ll make an appointment!


Her Reply:
It is good to hear that you are doing well. Your protein intake looks very good esp if the values represent protein from animal sources. Taking a good quality multi-vitamin is also important. There is not a lot of research to support the use of biotin but it may help you; the upper limit appears to be 2000-3000 mcg per day. Significant and rapid weight loss is a stressor on the body and this is probably the primary factor but it sounds like in your case the hair loss seems very significant. It may also take up to three months to regrow the hair.  If you think that there is too much hair loss, you may want to consider seeing Dr Yoo.  

Hope this helps

Me Again:

Thank you for your response. I’m not to the point of getting bald spots or anything, but if this continues for a month or two I could have a problem! Can I run these few things by you to see if I need to change anything?
-6 days a week I get  just under 30 proteins from Syntrax Nectar Protein that I mix with almond milk – so sometimes almost half of my protein for the day is whey protein. On Saturdays I’ll have an egg and possibly a piece of morning star sausage
- I’m still trying to stick around 800 calories, on my highest days I might go up to 1,200 but I normally fall between 800-1000. I feel like if I don’t get a ton of protein from my shake in the morning I can’t eat enough to get above 50 grams of protein or I can’t fit in any veggies or fruit. About once or twice a week, I actually eat some sort of meatless product. I like Gardein and Morning star varieties which I’m guessing are Soy protein. They seem to pack a ton of protein for the calories and they are so light, that I can eat a little more than a serving and still stay within my 4 ounce meal size.
-In addition to the biotin I just started taking, I take 1 Flinstones complete and three Viactiv calcium (500 iu D, 500 mg Calcium, 40 mcg K) every day – Any improvements I can make there?
Thanks again for any advice you can offer!
Her Last Response:

The Syntrax protein that you are taking is a whey protein isolate which typically is the best quality and if you are getting the remainder from your food that sounds fine, so the protein piece is covered.
The vitamins sound good. A lab panel may reveal any potential deficiencies.  From a nutrition standpoint it appears as if you are meeting your requirements.

So that was it from the dietitian, and I also talked to the dr that does my band adjustments today. She said that it is very normal to lose hair for a bit even if you are meeting all of your nutritional requirements. She also said it slows down and stops after a little while, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. She mentioned there is also shampoo that has biotin in it, so take the biotin and try the shampoo. She said that half of the people she talks to about it say that it works, and half of them say it doesn't work.

I'm not as stressed about my hair as much, because everyone has assured me that it will stop. I'm getting a full blood panel done tomorrow morning to see if there are any deficiencies and after I get those results I will have done everything I can to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong.

So hopefully this is just a tiny little bump in the road!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Feeling Much Skinnier Than What I Look Like in This Picture

Sometimes pictures are total bullshit. I'm feeling fab because I've broken through the plateau, I can just feel it.  I'm on the brink of a clothing crisis. Everyone says they don't have anything to wear, but all of a sudden I'm truly running out of clothes! YAY! I resorted to Ross and Marshall's  over the weekend and found this super cute dress. I was so excited to wear it and I wanted to show my mom so I took a picture of myself in the mirror on the elevator. When I looked at it, I was like WHAT THE HELL?! I'm still a fatty! HAHA oh well, I'll just chalk it up to a wierd elevator mirror and a camera phone. It's more about how you feel right?

Monday, April 2, 2012

Dear Plateau - Piss Off

I hit the dreaded plateau! for the past three weeks I've been down, then up, then down, then up. I knew it would happen so I've decided to kick it into overdrive and get over this hump.

First off I've noticed that my belly fat is sticking around for a lot longer than normal. My arms, neck, face  and calves are slimming up nice but everything else is still just hanging out.  Since I've always been a huge believer in low carb dieting, I've decided to go ahead and start that today. Everyone always says that low carb dieting really targets belly fat, so I'm hoping this really helps.

This throws my tracking system for a loop because Myfitnesspal primarily tracks calories and I'll need to really just track net carbs. I'm still going to use it, but my calories will probably need to be adjusted. I've tracked net carbs so much in my life that I can pretty much do that in my head so it shouldn't be an issue. If I find myself getting off track I'll resort back to writing everything down on paper.

I'll report back on how it goes!

P.S. I had to go out and buy 2 pairs of Size 20's yesterday!!!! YES!!! Life is good!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Non Scale Victories

Lately I've had some nsv's that I never would have thought of before losing weight

- my feet are getting smaller. I noticed that all of my shoes are getting loose.

- I had to lift the seat in my car because all of my mirrors were getting out of wack. I am literally not sitting on as much cushion as I used to.

- Ms and I went to the movies and we had lots of room in our seats. We ate popcorn as our dinner though, not as a snack!

- I changed the chair in my office to one that I used to hate because I was too fat for it. Every time I sit down in it I smile at how comfortable it is.

- I was lifting some weights at the gym and was wearing leggings- in the mirror, I could see so much muscle definition in my legs and they looked noticeably thinner! Yes!

- I wore a hooded sweatshirt that was a size XL yesterday!!! Not a XX or a XXX but an XL!!! Normal people sizes!!!
Now it was a men's sweatshirt but who cares I'll take it for now. Shopping in a normal store feels so far away still but I will literally cry when I do!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Designer Whey Review

Just wanted to throw it out there that French Vanilla Designer Whey tastes like garbage. And for 100 calories it only packs 18 grams of protein. Booooooo!

Monday, March 26, 2012

I'm Not Easily Offended...

I like to think I can take a joke, in fact I can take a lot of jokes... but some dude said something to my husband at the Y tonight that made me shiver.

So MS and I started a whole lifting circuit today. It was fun, he got it out of a book he's been reading and we did it together. Arms, legs, then abs.

So while we were finishing up planks on the mats this big dude walked in and stood there. I saw him looking around and kind of shaking his head and talking to himself. Whatever.

So we went to walk away and he stopped MS and said, "I got news for you man, every time I work out with my wife, we get all hot and heavy and we looked good, and then she gets pregnant. Then she gets fat again."

Then he proceeded to repeat it again, but he said "They get fat again"

It took a few minutes for it to sink in. That joker is lucky I didn't have a 10lb dumbell in my hand. I would have smashed the stupid out his mouth.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Muffin Tin Meatloaves

These Meatloaves are bangin ... And 2 are less than 300 calories.

1lb of hot Italian sausage
1lb of ground turkey
1lb of lean ground beef
Grated zucchini
Chopped onion
Chopped mushrooms
1/2 jalepeno, chopped
2 cloves chopped garlic
1/2 cup Panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup sweet baby rays
1 egg
Salt, pepper, onion and garlic powder, chili powder, Ceyenne

Sautée the veggies and let cool mix with meat, bread crumbs and BBQ sauce and egg.

Use a cookie scoop to portion the Meatloaves into a muffin tin

Bake at 350 for 30 mins, top with a little more BBQ sauce and return to oven for 10 more mins. Let sit for 10 mins and drain on a paper towel before serving

This made 24 Meatloaves, I'm going to freeze them individually and make 2 packs with my food saver, it is a perfect lunch to grab out of the freezer.

Couch to 5K

MS and I started couch to 5K today. I have mixed feelings about it. I hate running so much I could spit. Buuutt I also felt that way about elliptical machines a measly 3 months ago.

Today there was a 5K in the DC area sponsored by Chris 4 Life Colon Cancer Foundation and there was a HUGE team running in my friend's honor. I really wish i could have been part of it so I'm promising myself that I'll do it next march. I think it might have been another one of those winks from God that my husband announced he was going to start couch to 5K today on the same day of the race.

So... it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's a 30 minute work out 5 minute warm up walk, 1 minute of jogging, 1 minute of walking on and off and then there is a 5 minute cool down walk.
So if you break it down it is only 10 minutes of jogging and 20 minutes of walking. Not horrible.

I'll do that 2 more times this week and then it increases a little bit every week for 9 weeks. MS found a 5K that we both want to run in Detroit in August. Ugh, I just can't even imagine running for  3 miles straight. yikes.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Good Morning!

I am very very excited to say that after 2 weeks of hovering around the same weight I have finally hit the -60 mark! YAY. My super handsome husband has lost 82 (even though the ticker on the right doesn't reflect that)

So that 6 lbs of garbage that was in my system when I got home from Myrtle Beach was just that - garbage.

I'm hoping to rev up my metabolism this week by eating lean protein, lots of green veggies, and zero junk food. I'll also get back on my 8-9 workouts/week schedule which will hopefully help a ton!

Now if this hair thing would just go away I would be a very happy person!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Back to Life

Hi!! I just read about 15 blogs!  I've missed catching up with everyone so much.

Wednesday afternoon I made it back from my work conference that was out of control and has kept me away for a little while. I work for a really great technology company and every year we hold a user conference. The cool thing is that the software that we sell helps people become more efficient and have a better handle on things, which means in this economy, business is thriving. This year we had record breaking attendance. It was really great. I overindulged on the Cabernet a few nights, but I was up and raring to go all day every day. I'm still pretty worn out from the whole thing!

On this trip, I was so excited to see that the resort we stayed at had an amazing fitness center with 5 or 6 Octane 4600 elliptical machines. I worked out with one of my roommate's 3 days out of the 5 which was great. If you ever see one of these just try it. You'll swear at it, but then all of a sudden you get addicted. It's my absolute favorite machine to work out on. I've been using it for over 2 months now, and I am still getting a kick ass work out on level 1. There is also a program called X-trainer and it gives you different speeds and techniques for interval training. It is seriously awesome.

Anyways - Even though one of the days I ate an oatmeal pie and a bag of lays for lunch (oops)I still thought I would drop some serious weight on this trip.  I barely ate, I just didn't have a whole lot of choices when I did. Well. I got on the scale the morning after I returned and it said I gained 6 POUNDS!! WWHHAA?!! Not even possible.

I figured it was lots of fluid and it definitely was. I went on a liquid diet and the scale today said I had only gained 2 lbs. I would imagine that will be gone tomorrow so I'm not overly concerned.

I have however, been at the same weight for about 2 weeks now, so I'm going to have to come up with something to kick start my metabolism back up. I'll work on it. I can't wait to blow past 60 lbs. haha I'm sick of that number!

I also have one other little struggle going on now and I'm a little bit upset about it. Just as my dietitian said, it has been 3 months since surgery and my hair is really coming out.

The dietitian said that for some reason, 3 months after a surgery like this, your body says, "woah something big happened" and it releases some hair.  She said I can take biotin but there's not proof that it will help.

I luckily have tons of hair. But it's starting to hurt my soul a little bit every time I comb my hair out after the shower. It's not coming out in chunks, just strands, but the strands come out by the handful after a shower. It's gotten to the point that I comb my hair out while I'm in the shower at the gym and I wrap the hair up in some paper towel and throw it away. It's too embarrassing to comb it out in the open.

I'm going to email my dietitian and see if she'll give me any other guidelines to help. I'm fearing she might just tell me to ride it out and see what happens. I'll just keep praying that it stops. please please please stop!