Too Tight!

My band is too tight and it's making me RAGE! I get stuck on everything including protein shakes and it's painful to drink water. Grrrr! I was hoping to actually lose weight because of this but I'm just hanging in at the same weight.

I'm Going back in the morning to get a little taken out. This is the only time I'll say I wish my surgeon would adjust me tomorrow because I'm ready to unleash on his overachieving, non-listening, knows-everything-except-how-to-communicate-with-people-who-are-not-under-anesthesia ass. I really would like to force him to listen to me for once. Fortunately/unfortunately his PA who is much better at the human aspect of this job will be there. I'm not going to get pissy with her. Lame.

Hope everyone is doing fab! Everything else is good here! I won $17 in my first dietbet on Sunday which is fun! Have a great week!

Liked this one!

Made it!

Phew. It feels good to be back. Shedding the weight I gained last year after surgery kind of feels a little symbolic. I walked straight through hell and ate every piece of garbage I could get my hands on. Dropping everything i gained feels like i can wash my hands completely of that mess. i still have moments of sadness, but I'm a stronger, healthier and happier person because of it. 

Now I'm moving on to my next goal of losing 100 lbs (since surgery) which will put me at 204. That's roughly 25 lbs away! I'm going on vacation next week so ill give myself 13 weeks to complete the goal. 

It feels really good to be here. I can do this!! 

Fun Run?

I'm up and at em at 5:30 am on a Saturday morning to do my first "fun run" that I don't intend to partially walk! Excited? Not particularly :) 

The funny thing is that I know I can do it, but I haven't been running at all! 2-3 times a week I run 4 flights of stairs with my buddy from work for about 30 minutes. It is so effing hard, but it feels easier than running to me. My. Heart rate stays up in the 175 range for almost the entire time. Turns out...that has made running easy without having to kill myself running every week! 

Hope everyone has a fab Saturday! Here goes nothing!

P.S! OMG!! I just weighed myself and made it! I'm back down to my lowest surgery weight! yessss!! 

My favorite Meal This Week

1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese, 1-100 calorie pack of Emerald almonds and walnuts with a couple teaspoons of honey . 

250 calories and 14 delicious grams of protein! 

Also I can't trust myself to buy normal sizes if nuts because when I open a full container I somehow manage to get 7 servings into my mouth while portioning out 1. Danger! 

Weigh in!

Pre-op visit weight (November 2011) -304
Morning of surgery (December 2011) - 294 or 296 somewhere in there
Lowest weight 4 months after surgery - 228
All hell breaks loose and eat my way through the second half of 2012 to console myself....
Highest weight since surgery (May 2013) - 269
Today (week 13 of body for life) - 232.6 YES!!


8 lbs from my 1st goal! I set my deadline as August 31st! I'm going to do everything I can to make it! 

Two Things That Make Losing Weight a Little Easier

Awesome!!! Same price as the snack bags that I always buy anyway. I can reuse them with dry foods too. 

When I'm having a moment of weakness and need something sweet, these coffee drinks have been my saving grace! Only 50 calories, delicious and a bit pricey so that keeps me from overindulging. I sip slowly and it helps me get past any urge to fall off the wagon. I also feel safer drinking this than a skinny latte from a coffee shop because there's always that chance the barista just grabs whole milk accidentally, or uses sugary syrup when I ask for sugar free. 

Today marks week 12 of body for life, and I've lost 33 lbs so far! Still 9 lbs from my goal, but I think I can get there by the end of the month! We're taking a week long Disney vacation and when we get back ill start my second 12 week round! That time, no matter where I am weight wise, my goal will be to reach 204. That will get me to the 100lbs down mark!! 

About to lose it!

Omg y'all I'm about to lose my shit today!! Started off with the most annoying auto service center in the state of North Carolina. (Auto Park Chrysler Jeep- in case you were wondering) then the little tiny troll of an old man that I work with, I've mentioned him before, has my blood pressure over the top!!! He treats every female in the office like we're secretaries. Even though I hold a higher effing position than he does and he has no idea what we do. Ggggggggrrrrrrrrr!! I'm ready to snap!!

So now I'm sitting in Jiffy Lube getting the oil change and inspection I was supposed to get this morning at the dealership and I'm FUMING!

I think the only thing that would make me feel better today is flipping chairs and desks over while screaming. I guess that's probably not a good idea :) RAWR!

Interesting Week!

I had my first bad week on body for life and I'm actually really surprised that I didn't gain weight at all! I got back from my sister's house in Fl last Sunday and had so many things going on that I didn't get prepared for the week on Sunday. That pretty much broke the entire week for me.

I ate out a couple of times, had whatever I wanted and snacked on some things I shouldn't have touched with a 10 foot pole. 

I feel like the big difference is just lifting weights. I just cannot believe my weight stayed flat. That is seriously unheard of! 

The big thing for me right now is taking today to get back in a good mind set and preparing for the week. Which I've done. Had a great upper body workout today and I'm ready to get back on track for the week. 

I think I've figured out how I'm going to handle the goals associated with the rest of my weight loss as well.  I need to lose 12 more lbs to get to my goal of -45 on body for life. 

After I hit that, my next big goal will be clearing the 100 lbs since surgery mark which is another 24 lbs. 

after I hit the 100lb mark, I'd like to lose 44 more lbs. I think it would be best to break that into 2-22 lb chunks! It feels attainable and I don't feel like I am tired or sick of eating according to the body for life plan :) 

Check In - Week 9 BFL

Today marks the beginning of week 9 in the body for life challenge. I've lost 30 lbs so far and I'm feeling really good! MS has lost 23 lbs and he is really starting to show a lot of muscle definition! I definitely feel like my workouts have more purpose, I don't feel burned out from the gym and I'm not dying for any bad foods. In fact my cheat days, while they still include chocolate, haven't been really bad over the past few weeks. It's crazy how you can eat poorly for a long time without issues and then once you start treating your body right, foods that are unhealthy start making you feel like complete garbage. On the Sunday after a cheat day I feel bloated and lethargic which never happens during the week. 

Dr Yoo was very happy with my progress when I saw him on Thursday and he gave me an enormous fill :( 2 effing cc's. I keep telling myself this really shouldn't affect anything because I'm eating the correct portions. I need to slow down when I eat and this fill will probably help. That's the one rule I still struggle with. 

Overall I feel really good! I'm still gunning for my goal of -45 lbs by August 11th. I need to lose about 3lbs a week for the next 5 weeks to do so. It's definitely not easy, but its possible, so I'm going to try as hard as I can! 

Truth

This is for my banded blogging or blog reading friends who are struggling with weight. Keep your heads up and don't worry about setbacks! Just keep getting back up :) 

Sweet Tooth? Post Work Out Protein? Mushies?

PMS is the killer of all diets and I am so glad that I only have healthy food in my house because I could plow through the aisles of a grocery store right now. Seriously. Danger.

The good news is that i've been losing 2 lbs a week consistently. I can see my body changing for the better. I feel good about having purpose behind my workouts as opposed to just going cardio crazy for as long as I can possibly stand it. I'm really sticking to the all around healthy eating regimen and don't feel deprived. Well... every once in a while I want to smash chocolate all over my face but who doesn't? 

I ran across this post on post workout snacks that caught my eye and I seriously have to share this with you, it's over the top! It's a perfect mix of complex carbs and protein with no added sugar. It's smooth like icing so its easy on the band and it's rich and chocolatey!! Holy yum. 

1 Japanese/asian sweet potato (reddish on the outside white on the inside ... Different sweet potatoes have different nutritional value so just take note if you have to substitute)

1 scoop of syntax nectar chocolate truffle 

Splash  of water

Microwave or bake the potato until cooked through, remove the skin and mash with protein powder and a tiny splash of water if needed. You can also just put it all in the blender or use a hand mixer to whip it up. 

Makes 2 servings - You can eat it hot or cold - 1 serving has about 12 carbs and 12 grams of protein and about 100 cals! 

 

Sad Today

Two people that have made a wonderful impact on my life got to meet in heaven today. Both battled colon cancer for 4 years. 

I introduced them to each other about 4 years ago. My sweet friend Erica had been winning her battle with cancer for some time. She was such an inspiration to Joan, an incredibly strong leader who I admire greatly. They talked a lot about chemo and what to expect and became friends. It always made me feel good to know they had connected. 

When Erica died, Joan spent a lot of time comforting me and talking to me about it all while she was battling the same horrible disease. Shouldn't I have been the one comforting her? It never seems to work that way. 

Today Joan went home too and I know without a shadow of a doubt that Erica was there welcoming her. I'm sad for all of us who care so deeply for her, but I'm happy that she doesn't have to be sick anymore. My heart is broken for her young daughter who has to grow up without her mommy here by her side. 

Erica was 26 when she was diagnosed with colon cancer and Joan was only 39. Both were diagnosed with stage IV metastatic colon cancer that had spread to their livers. They both fought as hard as they could for 4 years.  My heart just aches today :( 

In honor of both of them, i feel like i have to write this: if you are reading this and you have experienced blood in your stool, have abnormal pain in your abdomen or have had a complete change in your bm's talk to your dr. Colon cancer is easy to find and remove. Don't be afraid of a colonoscopy it could save your life. 

A few fun things

Too tired to type A blog but here are a few randoms! 

- Today I won my own front row/reserved parking spot at the office for the month of July for going to the gym the most in June! YES!!! Because our parking lot sucks!!!  

- was too tired to go to the gym this a.m. So my friend and I crushed the stairs at lunchtime. We ran up and down 4 flights of stairs for 20 minutes straight which were pretty sure equates to about 18 times. Which means we ran up and down damn near 72 stories today! My heart rate monitor said I burned 256 calories! 

- speaking of heart rate monitors ... If you're serious about tracking calories in  v calories out , I would suggest purchasing a monitor. Myfitnesspal on average gives me about 100 extra calories burned for every workout. The equipment at the gym always reads lower than MFP but its still higher than actual calories burned! Total bummer! 

I think that's all for tonight!! I'm outta gas! 

Note to self ... Get over yourself

:) I had the best time at the color vibe run! My whole "can't sleep because I have to wear a tutu" was just stupid.  There were so many people and it was awesome. We walked and jogged about half and half .. I got so much color powder in my contacts that I had to just take them out on the trail and throw them on the ground. Ha!

hollee and christy ... I was looking for you but once my contacts were out it was hopeless!! Let's plan a date soon!

I'm so grateful for my girlfriends that made my bday morning super fun! After my hubs and I got home and got cleaned up we went out to lunch and had empanadas downtown, then we walked to a little chocolate factory. We took a tour, sampled chocolate and had iced coffees! Yummmm
It started to rain so our 10 minute walk back to the car was so funny in the rain! We got soaked!

Cheat day!! Ran and walked this biz off!!!

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?!?

Oh my gosh, I am lying here awake stressing about the absolute dumbest thing. Hopefully once I vent about it ill be able to sleep!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

First, i am excited to be running in the color vibe race tomorrow! Its my birthday and I have been looking forward to this for a couple of months! I am a big birthday person, not just for myself but for everyone. Two reasons for that 1) I don't think adults celebrate enough, we're always worried about everything and everyone else. I think everyone should have a wonderful birthday And be made to feel special 2) I also believe that people only remember 2 things about you, when you make them feel good and when you make them feel bad. So in my life, I hope I can make a lot of people feel good even if its just a small gesture like making a big deal out of a bday.

But......let me digress. I need to jump around to different stories to explain. 

As fellow wls patients, you all know its tough being big. no matter how confident and strong you are, the general population hates fatties. We've all heard the comments that people make within earshot of how horrifying obesity is. Plenty of times in my life I've walked past someone who just randomly calls me a fat ass, or had blind dates shake their head in disgust when they look at me. The comments people make are just really mean and no matter how tough you are they are incredibly hurtful. Knowing that, I try not to put myself in situations where people can make me feel that way. I dress in clothes that are my size, I try to accentuate good features while downplaying the bad ones. I don't wear jeans that let my entire ass crack hang out... You get the picture. 

This afternoon, one of my friends picked up all of our race gear for the colorvibe race. shirts/color packets/bibs etc. she dropped off the box at my office and inside was a garbage bag that said "this is your birthday outfit" Inside was a GIANT sized, hand made, adult tutu. I was mortified at the size... It was probably as big around as I am tall. 

Hold on to that image for a second while I share another experience with you. I just adore these baby tutus that are all the rage. i cant even handle little chubby baby legs and tulle. cutest thing ever. Last year, one of my co-workers and his wife had a baby. we have been good friends for a couple of years and i wanted to give them a little outfit after the baby was born.  I spent a lot of time and money making the sweetest pink tutu for their newborn girl along with a big flower headband and a sweet onsie. In addition to that, I made a dinner and took everything over to their house with my friend. When we got there his wife had a shit fit. She absolutely HATED the tutu and continually told me how much she hated pink and the handmade gift I had spent at least 3 nights working on. My friend, on the other hand loved it and wanted to take pictures of the baby in it right away. His wife hated it all so much that she had to take a walk and get some fresh air while her husband dressed up this sweet child and took a million pictures of her. It was incredibly bizarre and very rude. What an ungrateful bitch. I will never forget that.

Back to the giant tutu.........

I'm not sure if my love for newborns wearing tutus was misinterpreted as a personal love for tutus. Just because i love them on babies doesn't mean I'm trying to tie one on myself.   I am mortified at the thought of wrapping this six foot tutu around the fattest part of my body, while trying to run a 5k. running a 5k at my size already puts me in the standout-like-a-sore-thumb-category. 

What the hell do i do? I refuse to act like my friend's wife and completely bash a handmade gift. That thing is a 1/2 a mile long for God's sake, it must have taken her more than a week! Her fingers probably bled tying those knots. 

I also want to cry at the thought of wearing it and making myself the instant butt of every fat joke.  It's pretty much asking for 20 something's to fire hateful fat comments my way. I'm too old for this shit!!! 

Uggggghhhh I am mortified. I know I'm too old to be this dramatic about nothing, but this is really upsetting me!!!!!! I could barf, thank God my lapband is so tight or else I'd probably be stress eating right now!!!!

Weigh In Wednesday!

Down 1.6 lbs this week!! YES! 

I'm 47% to my goal of -45 lbs in 12 weeks

Sunday Prep

Hope everyone had a fab weekend!! We definitely did! Last week we both went in for fills and I think we're officially off a dr yoo's shit list for being back on track. I think this fill was aggressive but good. The thought of food or even a shake makes me ill until about noon. We smoked wonderful ribs for our cheat day and I could barely stomach anything yesterday.  Hopefully this helps me get to my goal of 45 lbs lost by aug 11 (week 12 of body for life) 

I love designating Sunday as my prep day. If I don't have to cook during the week, then I probably won't be tempted to overeat during the week. PLUS not cleaning the kitchen during the week is a fab reward! 

Today I made turkey sausage patties, 5 roasted beets, a whole sweet potato cut up into 4 servings, and roasted brussel sprouts. 

This will take care of lunches for the week. Tomorrow night ill throw a pan of chicken tenderloins seasoned with salt, pepper, and garlic powder and portion those out as well. 

I really like cubing the chicken or sausage patties up along with 1 portion of sweet potato and 1 beet. At work I put a tablespoon of dressing in the cup and shake it up. It's a really good lunch and perfectly sized portion for both body for life and lap band eating. 

MS is taking 1 portion of meatloaf that we smoked and froze a few weeks ago with some brussel spouts I roasted for him tonight. He's working OT tomorrow as well so he'll take a spinach salad and a chipotle black bean burger for his other meal. 

We cleaned up and now we're ready for the week... Which happens to be my favorite week of the year!!!!!! birthday week!!!!!!! My goal is to lose 5 lbs and celebrate at the color vibe 5k on Saturday!

Today's Menu

Feeling good! Officially 1/3 of the way through my first 12 weeks of Body For Life and I've lost 20 lbs. hoping to lose a little more by Wednesday, my official weigh in day! 

Here's an example of what I'll eat today: 

4:45 am 1/2 Atkins shake before the gym

6:00 am 1/2 after

9:15 am: 1 organic red delicious apple

               1 oz of 2% reduced fat sharp cheddar

12:30 pm 3 oz slow cooked Berbere Chicken thighs (recipe below) 

                1/2 flat out light italian wrap 

                 Cucumber slices

6:00 pm 2 oz turkey bratwurst patty (recipe below) 

              1/2 cup roasted Kohlrabi 

              1/2 cup steamed sweet potato 

              1/2 tablespoon of  Mustard or sweet baby rays on the patty. 

*If for any reason I'm still hungry ill have another turkey bratwurst patty! 

               

Slow Cooked Berbere Chicken Thighs

1 small onion, quartered

1 package of chicken thighs (breasts are fine too, but drier) 

1/2 cup diet sweet tea or any other liquid 

1 tablespoon Penzey's Berbere seasoning (any good spice blend you like will work)

Lay the onions on the bottom of the slow cooker, coat the chicken with seasoning and layer in the pot. Add 1/2 cup of liquid and let cook on low for 4-6 hours shred with fork or chop. 

3 oz serving = 104 cals 15.3 grams protein 

Turkey Bratwurst Patties

1 lb 99/1 ground turkey 

1 tablespoon Penzey's Bratwurst seasoning 

Mix meat with seasoning, refrigerate overnight. Form into 2oz patties and grill or pan fry (very light mist of olive oil works perfectly in a pan) 2 minutes on each side. 

1 patty = 60 calories and 13 grams protein 

If you've never been to penzeys spices check it out!! We are lucky enough to have a store nearby. But you can normally get free shipping online. They send a coupon every month for a Free small jar of spice with a 4 or 5 dollar purchase. It's an awesome way to try things you wouldn't normally try!! 

The Scale Ruined My Cheat Day

Seriously, I have been dreaming about this cheat day from my diet all week. every day has been a struggle with my will power. cravings have been over the top...but I stuck to the plan no matter what. I dreamt about cupcakes and donuts (2 things that aren't even that amazing to me) and I compiled a mental list of things that I would like eat on my off day. 

Well this week I've also been losing weight and really making the most of my workouts. I compiled a detailed spreadsheet of my goal for this 12 weeks of body for life and broke the 12 weeks down into quarters so I could really track my progress and stay on top of it. I'm ahead of my schedule and I'm really working hard to reach my goal.

So this morning on this glorious diet cheat day, I stepped on the scale just to peek. I almost passed out because i have dropped 20 lbs since Returning from my cruise. TWENTY POUNDS. All of a sudden the need for a cheat day filled with donuts and cupcakes and macaroni and cheese just kind of vanished. The day that got me through the week is here and I don't think I want use it! That's AWESOME! 

However, I know myself very well and I know that I tend to do things like this for a few months and then totally fall off the bandwagon. So I am going to still have a cheat day today. However, I'm not going to go overboard. I'll have something cheesy and ill have a dessert today but nothing that will completely derail my diet. I need to allow that so I don't completely fall off next week. Just have to keep the balance and remind myself everyday that's this is how my life has to be in order to get myself to a normal weight. There's no end to this diet. It has to be a new lifestyle. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend and doesn't get rained out!! 

PS I apologize for the random capitalization or lack there of in these posts. My real computer needs to go to the shop and editing a blog from a tablet is a nightmare! 

Summer Time Slow Cookin'

I had shrimp ceviche on our cruise and have been wanting to make it since we returned. Turns out ceviche is a very low cal, very delicious meal!!  If you're unfamiliar with ceviche it is fish cooked in salt and citrus juice.You throw everything together with the raw shrimp

and let the citrus cook it for you! its a really nice way to get a summery slow cooked meal! Here's the recipe we've come up with after two tries:

1 pound shrimp (medium) cut in half or leave whole (raw)

Half onion finely chopped
Half red pepper finely chopped
Half orange pepper finely chopped
Whole tomato diced
Half a cucumber diced
1 cup of chopped cilantro 
Quarter of a spicy pepper very finely chopped
2 limes (juiced)
2 lemon (juiced)
1 orange (juiced )
Tbsp of Splenda
Touch of cumin
Pepper to taste 

1/2 tbsp of salt 

(Optional - shredded lettuce and avocado to serve with) 

Throw everything except the lettuce and avocado in a covered bowl or ziplock bag. Marinate at least 6 hours or overnight, Turning or stirring the mixture a few times. 

To serve: put about 1/2 a handful of shredded lettuce in the bottom of a bowl. Top with 1/4 of an avocado diced. Spoon 1 cup ceviche over top making sure to get some of the dressing

1 cup of ceviche by itself = 69 calories, 9 grams of protein, less than 1 gram of fat

1 cup with 1/4 of an avocado = 194 calories, 10.5 grams of protein, 12 grams of fat

Quick Check In!

Hey y'all! Good news weigh in Wednesday was a success! I'm down 14 lbs since we returned from our cruise (I'm sure the first 5 lbs of that was strictly bloat) 

So here's the breakdown :

When I returned from the cruise my band was wide open and I went on a straight liquid diet (post op diet) for 5 days and dropped 5 before my fill that Thursday. 

The Sunday after my fill, I started following the body for life nutrition and fitness guidelines and have lost 9 lbs in my first week and a half! The first week or two of any new program is always great. so now I have to keep it up! 

My parents are in town visiting and I'm so glad to have them. Tonight we had a ceviche salad, broiled grouper and a little roasted cauliflower all within our fist/palm sized portions. 

On a completely separate note, I have a really awful story to share. It's just bothering me so much that I need to vent for a second. Have you all heard about this ex-football player in Michigan that went missing this weekend and was found dead last night? I just found out today that he was married to my old roommate and very good college friend. We were really great friends for a while and spent time at each other's families houses and became roommates my sophomore or junior year. She had some personal struggles and transferred schools and we lost touch. I chose not to keep in touch because of some stuff that had happened right before the transfer. There was too much drama for me.  But she was happily married with 2 very small children and now she has lost her husband in such a tragic way. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it. If you can please send a quick prayer her way :( 

So Good

It feels so good to be healthy. How do I forget this for months at a time? 11 days of eating properly and working out and my skin is clear, I wake up without an alarm clock, and I'm more comfortable in my clothes and i just feel better about myself. Why is that so hard to remember?

New Blogger Y'all!

http://gettinghealthyformyself.blogspot.com 

Give her a follow!! 

Tiny NSV

Today I had a tiny little non scale victory that I'd like to share. I know I've heard other people talk about the dreaded candy bowl at work. We all have them. There are 4 or 5 scattered around my office and today I really had a craving for a piece of chocolate. Normally I would have had 1 and said, " no problem 1 chocolate today, track it and be done with it." But that tends to also be a gateway for me...1 today ... another one again tomorrow.. And pretty soon I just take 3 and don't bother tracking it....and not too long after that I'd go out and buy my own bag of candy and devour the whole effing thing in a day. 

 So like I mentioned before I am really committed to start changing my life. I can't keep looking at weight loss as a short term thing. I can't keep going balls-to-the-walls perfect diet, workout overload and then burn out. It's quite obvious I've repeated that behavior more times than I can count in my life and its not working. 

So step one is having reasonable rules and discipline that i can commit to for longer than a few months. I'm doing that by following the body for life eating plan that says for 6 days a week eat 3 small meals a day and 2 snacks. Each is about 1.5 fistfuls of food from the allowed food list which includes lean protein/complex carbs/veggies. 1 day a week, though, is an off day or a cheat day. Eat whatever you want. Satisfy your cravings and recharge mentally and physically. 

So today, I craved the chocolate but thought to myself, "I can wait until Saturday." I know that NSV IS rather anti-climatic but it really is a big deal for me. 

I feel like I can really stick to a plan when a free day is always a week away. My cravings won't constantly be sitting in the back of my mind for weeks until I crack and just binge on the bad shit. 

And the whole idea is that eventually I won't even crave bad stuff or care much about a free day. But lord knows I am not there yet!! 

We did our legs and abs workout today and I'm feeling really good! Hope everyone had a fab day :) here's to tiny non scale victories adding up to large scale victories!

Today's Menu

Breakfast - Atkins Dark Chocolate Royal Shake (1/2 before my workout 1/2 after)

Lunch - small can of tuna, 1 tbsp mayo, 3 sweet gherkin baby pickles, handful of multigrain crackers

Dinner - lettuce wraps (1 handful of lean ground beef made with sunbird lettuce wrap seasoning, mixed with 1 handful of rice on 3-4 leaves of lettuce)

Snack - 1 small apple, 1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese

If you haven't tried these mixes I highly reccomend them.  They are wonderful and incredibly easy to make. Most of them call for the packet +  soy sauce + sugar (I use light soy sauce and Splenda) and some call for added veggies. 

I feel really good today. I've been eating really well for an entire week and have been working out with purpose. I'm sore and feel lighter! 

I feel like getting back on track and being good to myself helps me continue to move on from last years' woes. I'm still having a really hard time with the whole "inappropriate conversations" drama. Just horrible feelings of betrayal. Still rocks me to the core. Just have to keep moving and working through it and being good to myself.

So! All in all today was a good day.. Can't wait to start seeing results!!!

Easy and Delicious Shrimp

Juice of 1 lime

Juice of 1 lemon

2 packets Splenda or whatever sweetener is not bad for you at the moment :) 

5 or 6 shakes of chili powder

5 or 6 drops of choula hot sauce or whatever your fav is

2 cloves of garlic

Olive oil (small amount or a misto)

Shrimp 

This recipe was good to coat 1 lb of medium, cleaned shrimp

1. Mist a pan with olive oil and get it hot

2. Sauté the garlic for a few minutes in the pan

3. Whisk the 1st 5 ingredients in a small bowl. 

4.When the pan is hit and the garlic is done to your liking take a handful of shrimp and toss in the marinade

5. One by one place them face down in the pan and quickly toss another handful in the marinade

6. Place the second handful in the pan and then immediately start flipping the first set (shrimp cooks fast) 

7. Once all of the shrimp has been flipped once and has cooked for about 30 seconds toss all of the shrimp around in the pan so the juices coat the shrimp again. 

8. let cook for another 20-30 seconds 

9. Transfer to a dish and let cool  

(1lb of shrimp gave me 4 handful size servings. I portioned those out and will saved them for another meal) 

I wrote this last Saturday and never posted!!! Here's what we had:

I  tossed my shrimp with a handful of spinach and 3 pieces of fresh mozzarella and balsamic vinegar

MS had his with spinach 3 pieces of mozzarella and some locally made yah's salsa 

Good Morning

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Things here are good. We got back from the best vacation we have ever taken last week and are rested and relaxed. Then my parents stopped by while passing through to my sister's which is always fun. 

I went back to see dr Yoo on Thursday. I was gearing up for a nasty conversation about what a huge failure I am. But he didn't unleash. Instead he wanted to schedule an appointment 4-6 weeks out with both me and MS for a tounge lashing. At this point it's going to be ineffective. No one in this world can be more ashamed of me than myself and sitting around reviewing just how horrible and terrible it is doesn't really help. Especially since I have really been in a good frame of mind for the past couple of months and have been working hard at changing my yo yo diet lifestyle to a more reasonable long term healthy lifestyle. It's time to move on from the whole "omg-what-have-is one-stage" to the "start- doing-something-about-it-stage."

So... That being said... Here are the good things that are happening in my life. 

1) we went on a cruise 2 weeks ago and we worked out every day on the ship

2) I was extremely conscience of what went in my mouth and how much. We ate healthy breakfasts and lunches and I stopped when I was full. We indulged sometimes but we made sure to make up for the indulgences with extra work outs. 

3) I have dropped 7 lbs and feel good

4) like I've mentioned before my life has been a series of yo yo diets swinging drastically from one end of the spectrum to the other.. I find myself always thinking about what I'll eat "after I lose this weight" so I've been reading body for life which is more of a sustainable long term program 6 days a week you eat a fistful of complex carbs and a palmful of protein. Two meals a day include a fistful of veggies as well. One day a week is an off day and you can eat whatever the hell you want. In addition to that there is a lot of weight training. Honestly its not much different than what our dietitian has laid out for us ... but the work outs are laid out and i think the cheat day will help me from swinging so far off the path. Hopefully this will help me balance out my life and be more of lifestyle change than a diet. I'm going to enter the 12 week challenge today for motivation as well. 

5) I've been having some hip pain while trying to run and I found the best chiropractor I have ever been to ... He is more of an all over health type of dr and he has given me a lot of stretching and wellness type of homework. 

6) swimming is becoming one of my favorite forms of cardio. We've been adding laps in the pool to our regular workouts

7) Here are some pictures from our trip!! 

Home Stretch!

3 more working days until vacation!!!! Things have been good here. Have been working out really hard while working with a chiropractor on my hip. My pelvis was all out of whack and it was causing me a bunch of pain. But I'm running this 5k come hell or high water.

My band is wide open so I'm still struggling with eating too much... honestly I get hungry... But only a couple times a day... So the band is working... I just struggle because I start losing control while I'm eating. I just eat too much and i can eat too much. My best friend always calls it an out of body (all though she's skinny) it's true. I sit there and think holy shit I just ate that whole sandwich.

I'm actually really looking forward to getting this fill. I'm ready for help again I have the working out motivation again and I want to start dropping weight again. I'm going to ask for a referral to see someone about my issues with food and control. I keep saying I want to go but I think I need that extra push to actually make it happen.

My husband said our surgeon chewed him out for gaining weight, so I'm fully ready for a tounge lashing when I get there. It was funny... MS said he backed off a bit when He told him about the whole cancer ordeal but he really gave it to him.

Speaking of the cancer thing, we found out we probably aren't going to be able to have kids which is a bummer. But I'll just keep praying that whatever is supposed to happen will. I'm just glad he doesn't have to go through round after round of chemo and we could always adopt, I guess.

So I'm going to relax and enjoy my wonderful vacation and leave all the annoying life stuff aside next week. Praying for some will power before this fill and lots of rest in between some hard ass work outs!!!!

Hope everyone has a fab Wednesday!!

Back! C25k & Other Random Stuff!

I'm back from a great week. So proud of my co-workers for putting on such a great conference.

The coolest thing happened this week. I noticed one of our local clients, who we just adore, had lost a bunch of weight. When I got a chance to talk to him he said that he and his wife both had lap band surgery (she was there with him) we chatted up for a good 30 minutes about it and throughout the rest of the week as well. It was so awesome to see them and have that bond with them.

The good news is, there is 5k on my birthday this year that MS and I, along with a big group of friends have signed up for. It's one of those color runs where every throws colored powder as you're running and you get super dirty. It should be a blast and it will keep me on track with training for the next few weeks.

Had a little wink/ tear jerker today. I completed the first day of couch to 5k and I didn't cut a single corner or stop once! I pushed as hard as I could and right at the end as i was cooling down a song came on that happens to be the one song that brings me back to my first 72 lb loss. Whenever I hear it I smile and think about losing consistently, working out as hard as I could 7-9 times a week and feeling on top of the world. As soon as it came on I got choked up on the treadmill because I know I can do it again.

I hate that I struggle with food and weight gain, but it's my issue/cross to bear and I'm going to work hard on getting control of it. I had the hardest year of my life last year and shoveled food in my mouth to cope. So now it's time to dust off and get back at it! I think talking to our client and his wife this weekend inspired me. I have the most awesome weight loss tool in my body and its time to start utilizing it again.

Thank you so much for still reading and for commenting. It feels so good to have a little group to air it all out to and to also be inspired by.

Day 3 Away From Home

I have been in myrtle beach since Thursday for work. Good news is I have been working out and walking everywhere.. Bad news is my food choices have been terrible.

I brought my little blender and protein powder so today I'm going to start off right with a protein shake. I'm heading to work out now then there will be a final push to get everything done before 10 when attendees start showing up!!!

Please send me all the will power vibes you can spare!! Hope everyone has a fab day!!

Need Some Rest

I've been having the strangest problem lately....

For as long as I can remember, I have always creeped myself out when I'm home alone. Noises spook me, feel like someone is looking in the window etc. But for the most part it was Always while I was by myself. If someone else was with me in the house I would be fine.

When we bought our house, I really wanted an alarm on the house so I could sleep better. Our bedroom is over the garage and the whole living area is behind the garage ... So i imagine it would really be hard to hear someone break into our house if they did.

We got the alarm system and have had it for 2 or 3 years now. We've never had a problem with it to the point that I was starting to wonder if it worked. Every once in a while I would hear a noise or something that would bother me up enough to wake MS up to check it out.

About a month ago a police officer stopped by our house and said the house on the corner of the cul de sac had been robbed and asked if we had seen anything. Apparently someone had broken into a window and then left out of the back door. Which is what I have always feared happening to our house. We have a glass break sensor but who knows if it works?

After that, I called the alarm company to a)let them know there had been a break in b)ask them to dispatch the police immediately if our alarm goes off and c) asked them to come out and test
Our equipment. They said they would note our account that for the next 2 weeks they would dispatch the police immediately before even attempting to call us.

A night later I was driving out of the cul de sac and noticed two people sitting in a car I've never seen before just waiting. I turned my car around... Got the license plate and called the cops. A few minutes later, another car came up, people jumped up they did a quick exchange and sped off all while I was still making it quite obvious that I was getting license plate numbers.

I immediately felt like I messed up for being so obvious about getting their license plates and feared retaliation. A cop came by later and talked to me about it. He said it was probably good that they saw me because that will probably keep them from coming back. He also said to keep calling if I see anything wrong.

Exactly two days after that, I was woken up at 4:00 am to the phone ringing. I immediately heard The alarm going off down stairs. I woke up MS and answered and sure as shit it was the alarm company calling and the guy said our front door alarm was tripped and he had already dispatched the police. We stayed in our bedroom until the police showed up and MS went down stairs. I realized I was only wearing a t-shirt and by the time I grabbed my robe a cop was upstairs in my face. And the cop I spoke to two nights earlier was on the staircase behind him.
Turns out all of the doors were closed and locked and the windows were fine, no one had broken in. The cops were there for less than 5 minutes. For the first time in the multiple years we've had this system, it was a false alarm and it just so happened to trip about 1 week after someone broke into our neighbors' house.

We got a nasty gram from the county about having a false alarm and that if we had any more we would get fined for taking police officers off the street.

So that brings me to the title of this blog post. I'm not sure I've had a decent nights sleep since that all went down. I stay awake pretty late while my husband snores next to me and also has a fan on. Every night I hear noises that sound like someone is in the house and it scares the shit out of me!! I'm not sure how to get past this one. It's not like something bad actually happened that I'm traumatized from... I just get myself so creeped out I can't shut my eyes. Then when I do start to fall asleep I startle myself awake with some noise that may or may not even be real. What in the world?!?! Has anyone else ever dealt with something like this? Am I going off the deep end or what?!?

Be Kind

Sad about what happened in Boston today. There are some terrible people out there. I wonder what goes through the minds Of people who do this shit. There must be nothing there but hatred. Sad.

Also sad about how nasty people can be to each other. Passive aggressive or just aggressive in general. (I'm a Yankee though, and I'll take aggressive over passive aggressive any) i just don't get what good comes from it.

Either way, I'm enjoying being sore from swimming. Getting ready to head down to myrtle beach for a week for work. Ick. All I can think of is 15 hour work days in the sticky heat.. But it's always fun to hang with a lot of clients for a few days. I will still get some work outs in. I did last year and it felt good because we just eat on the fly while running the conference so it balances everything out.

I hope everyone has a fab week! Here's some work out motivation if someone has ever said or did something hurtful while you're going through a tough time.

Super Saturday!

Tried swimming laps today for a workout today and its awesome!! So many calories burned and my whole body is sore!

Also.. Today is a super exciting day for Lisa from The Saucy Bandster because its her wedding day! Congrats my sweet banded blogging friend!! So happy for her!!!

I hope everyone has a fab weekend!!

Candy Crush

Has anyone ever gotten sucked into the rotten evil that is Candy Crush?? it's a "free" game and I'll tell you what ... it will make you hate chocolate. And if you play long enough you won't have any money left to buy groceries.

Good Day

Today was such a good day, it's been a long time since I have had this kind of motivation. I followed a good liquid diet today. My esophagus is still a bit swollen I can tell by the amount of restriction I have and by the fact that I was only hungry once today. I have a slightly soar throat that goes down into my chest a bit, but that's pretty much it.

I drank 5 glorious bottles of water (same bottle refilled for my environmentalist friends) 1 sobe life water and a cup of coffee and a protein shake today. Sweet mother effing relief!!
What a difference being hydrated makes.

I went to the Y tonight and I worked out harder than I have in months. Since June I've just been going through the motions... Today I worked out hard like I did when I was losing 4 or 5 lbs a week. I feel good. I prayed for motivation and received it now its up to me to sustain it.

I want to set a goal of losing 7 lbs a month for the rest of the year. It not excessive and it's totally doable. I'm going to share it with my doctor for some accountability. My husband will probably be on board but it will take him half the time to lose twice as much weight ;)

Hope everyone has had a fab week I sure have missed reading everyone's blogs! I get so much inspiration from all of these lovely ladies!!!

Great News

Turns out I couldn't wait until Thursday. My esophagus kept getting worse and I ended up not being able to drink water or anything at all. So the PA that normally does my fills squeezed me in at lunch time and she took all of tHe fluid from my band ... I can't even explain the relief!! I was dying of thirst and that first big swig of water was so good! The pressure and pain in my chest was relieved and it didn't hurt to breathe! Thank goodness.

I went right over to the hospital for a barium swallow to see if the band had slipped or if I had a dialated esophagus... And much to my surprise... Neither!!! My band was just too tight and my esophagus was (and still is) very irritated. But no serious damage!!! thank The Lord!!!

My band will be empty for 4 weeks and I need to be on liquids for at least 2 more days while also taking Prilosec to help soothe the irritation.

So I'm going to take this time to restart... Get back into a work out plan, get my band adjusted on a monthly basis. I think being accountable every month will really change my whole attitude around.

The really good news in this story is that in the first four months of having my band I lost 72 or 74lbs. Over the past year I have gained 30 lbs back. That sounds really terrible but it is actually a victory for me.. Until now I've always gained 110% + back within months. I'm going to forgive myself for the weight gain and keep on trucking! I'd like to get down to 200 lbs by my 2 year bandiversary!

No News Until Thursday!

Dr. Yoo said he could see me on Thursday! So I guess it's not a huge concern for him which is cool with me. Yesterday was tough, all liquids was easy because if how I felt, but I also had 3 fillings removed and replaced. Top that with a headache and I was ready to go to bed early last night.

Hopefully today is better! Sticking with my protein and water diet today. At least Ill lose a good amount of weight this week!

Slipped? Hopefully.

A week or so ago, I was driving to work and said a desperate prayer asking God to take over for me because I clearly cannot control my issue with eating. I needed help to stop my obsessive overeating and I needed motivation to get moving and work out. I haven't completely failed at this band thing, but I will if something doesn't change.

The will power from saying that prayer lasted about a half a day and I fell back into my daily binge. Just like a damn drug addict I would imagine.

Friday night, I drank a margarita and something felt weird about it. Sometimes when I drink out of a straw I get tight and gassy feeling, but this one was a little more uncomfortable. I ate a little dinner afterwards and boxed up the rest.

The next day I didn't eat until about 3:00. Took one bite and felt stuck. Not horrible stuck, just do-not-put-another-bite-near-your-mouth-for-at-least-5-minutes-stuck.

Later that night I started feeling weird. My esophagus felt swollen and I felt like I had something stuck in my throat. I tried drinking cold water, hot water with honey, and I drank as much of it as possible. I didn't say anything for a while because I was honestly thinking that I was going to die. It didn't hurt, it was just alarmingly odd feeling. I felt like I was going to go to sleep and die in my sleep. I'm not trying to be dramatic at all... That's what was going through my head in a calm weird way.

So I tried to play it cool all night and I was so worried about going to sleep, I laid down and it felt
even worse. At around midnight I decided to go to the ER. The thought of going to Duke and facing all of the people that cheered me on while I lost 74 pounds made my stomach twist in knots and I cried like an embarassed little kid.

Luckily the ER wasn't busy. After sitting in the waiting room for an hour i was feeling a little but better not as sore and swollen. Once we got into a room, the doctor was really weird to me, it was very apparent that even though I had the surgery in that same hospital ... Absolutely no one there really understood what a lap band was.

My biggest fear was that I had a dialated esophagus and that I would have to get the band taken out. The ER doctor said that he would take chest xrays and maybe we should do an EKG. He asked me what I thought about it and I told him to start with the band because I really only felt pain in my esophagus. He responded with, "ok SCREW the EKG...we won't do that."

I thought that was the strangest statement I've ever heard from a doctor in my life... But it was almost 2:00 in the morning and he clearly wasn't interested in fat people's problems.

After my X-ray he said he talked to the bariatric surgeon and he's not sure, but he thinks my band may have slipped a bit. The surgeon said I could wait until 7:00 am for him to come in because it wasn't an emergency, or I could go to his office on Monday. He said he needs to take some fluid out and it should go back into place.

I asked him if my esophagus looked swollen or dialated and he said no.... but I'm honestly not convinced he could really tell either way.

I'm sad and ashamed of myself. I have a pit in my stomach thinking about facing everyone in the doctors office. I've seen the disapproving looks of too many doctors in my life who have noticed my weight losses and subsequent gains.

Today i feel a little better. i started back on the same diet regimen they gave me post op. liquid Protein and hydration all with no more than 10 sugars per 8 oz. I've taken the tiniest sips and have to stop frequently.

It's actually been good. In fact I've been thinking about it a lot today and its funny how life works. A couple of weeks ago I had an intern lie to me and I caught him. He was quite embarassed and I remember thinking about how I hoped that he learned a lesson from it..I distinctively said, "the most embarassing moments are sometimes the moments that change you for the better."

I think it's quite clever how I asked God to take over and this is what has happened. My words seem to be the only thing ill be eating this week.

Praying for a simple slip that can be fixed with the removal of some saline. Also a chance to start over with renewed motivation.

Good Morning, Sun!

Grateful for the sunrise and all that I've been blessed with.

Siiickkk!

Dang! I was just thinking the other day that I don't think I got a cold or a bug at all in 2012! No such luck in 2013!

I've been slacking on the blog because my home laptop is shot! I need to take it to best buy and have them revamp the whole dang thing!

I've lost about 8 lbs on Atkins and I totally blew my diet over the weekend. Today is all liquids for me because everything I swallow burrrns! Well, maybe this little cold will work out in my favor.

14 day until we go to St Croix! Yay I can't wait!

Has anyone ever tried Kale Chips? I always used to burn them but I finally figured out how to make them. I think they are actually better just roasted until lightly crispy, but not all the way crisp. So delish!

If you can get your hands on Red Russian Kale it's even better than regular.

Ultra Light Pizza

I'm so satisfied what we ate for dinner I have to share! My previous post about cloud bread, really does make a great pizza crust! Check this out:

1 slice = 198 calories, 4 carbs, 14 fats, 16 proteins

 

MS gave this pizza a two thumbs up and asked for more. The cloud crust is really easy on both of our bands, and as it cools off you can actually pick it up like a real piece of pizza. You could cut the calories and fat down dramatically by using veggie toppings or Turkey pepperoni. That just doesn't fly with my hubby. Just use this recipe and spread it over a greased pizza pan, bake it for 25 minutes.

I let mine sit out for a few hours, just because I prepped dinner a little early. When we were ready to eat I fired up the broiler and topped the pizza with Ragu Light (it has much lower sugar than most tomato sauces) and cheese and toppings. I spread the toppings and the cheese all the way to the edge because I wasn't sure how the crust was going to hold up under the broiler. The parts that were exposed browned up like a normal pizza crust, but I'm actually glad I  spread the toppings all the way to the edges.

 

The only thing I will do differently in the future is season up the crust more. I'm out of parsley AND oregano. So I will make a trip to penzey's spices before I make another one of these bad boys!

 

YUM!!



Cloud Bread

Woah - if you have trouble eating bread after the band or are low carb dieting, you have to try this recipe! This blows the cauliflower pizza crust out of the water as a bread substitute!! I've been seeing this recipe float around but tonight is the first time I've made it. I'm sad that I waited this long!!!

75 calories, 0 carbs, 5 protein

Preheat oven to 300

3 eggs
1/8 tsp cream of tartar
3 oz cream cheese

Separate egg whites and yolks into 2 small bowls if you're using a stand mixer. Use 2 medium bowls if you're using a hand mixer.

First beat the whites and cream of tartar until stiff peaks form. If you're using a stand mixer, very gently transfer the whites back into a bowl and set aside.

Dump the cream cheese and and egg yolks in the mixer bowl and beat until smooth. Scrape down the sides with a spatula a few times to incorporate then cream cheese.

Remove from mixer and gently fold the whites into the cream cheese and yolks mixture. Be very gentle with those whites!!

Spray a cookie sheet or use a silpat and gently spoon the mixture onto sheet making six equal rounds, each about the size of a pancake. Bake for 30 minutes.

Let them sit on the pan for a minute or two and then remove and cool on a rack or paper towel. You don't want them to be hard, they should be soft and fluffy and bend a bit.

Use them like bread. I topped mine with a little melted butter, Splenda and cinnamon and I'm determined to make a BLT on these this week too.  I saw a blogger on Pinterest who used these as hamburger buns, someone else spread the batter into a pizza pan and made pizza crust out of it. You could probably use it as a pie crust somehow. Whoever came up with this recipe is a genius!

Down 1.6 lbs in 2013

I love The Atkins Diet so much. Always have. It just works for my body and I understand it. But like all of my weight loss efforts, I just can't seem to sustain it long term. We started low carbing it Saturday and I've already dropped almost 2 lbs!

We went downtown last night for a really fun New Year's Eve! We went out and had bunless burgers at Chuck's which is a burger joint ran by a local celebrity chef, Ashley Christensen. The food was just divine. There are only 6 or 7 burgers on the whole menu and based off of what we had last night, I know we'll probably try every burger they have before the end of this year. As long as we're low carbing it, that menu is full of delicious diet options!

 Since Raleigh is known as the city of oaks, they drop a huge acorn at midnight. We really had a blast. There were tons of events to choose from but we went to an improv comedy show, and a couple of cirque de soliel type performances. At 10:45 a local band that I love, Delta Rae, played. I'm just not that into live music anymore. I enjoy listening and dancing, but I inevitably alway get stuck behind the biggest assholes. I am literally an asshole magnet at concerts.

Delta Rae played Bottom of The River at 11:30 and as soon as they were done, MS and I read each other's minds and hightailed it out of there. We got home at 10 minutes to midnight with just enough time to see the acorn and the ball drop on tv with our dog/kid. It was definitely a fab way to ring in the new year!