In preparation for this surgery, there are so many things to think about. One of the biggest things for me is who to tell. I made up my mind pretty quickly that I would only tell a few friends and anyone else that asks will get a standard "weight loss program at Duke" response. I purposely scheduled the surgery right around the holidays so I can slip this right into my vacation, have 7 days of recovery and go back to work feeling great. I just didn't want to have to explain myself to everyone I work with. I know I don't have to explain, but that's what I do. I'm an explain-er. If someone asks I know I'll go into detail about the fact that this is my battle. That this is the one thing i can't control. I just didn't feel like putting my issue out there for the peanut gallery.
Well about a week ago I read a WLS forum that talked this same topic. One particular comment really resonated with me. I don't remember the exact words, but the person asked something like, "why would you lie? How can you keep that big of secret? You need support through this."
I couldn't seem to shake that one. Meanwhile, my husband's situation is much different. He works with more than a handful of people who have had all types of WLS. He literally has a support group at work. One of his co-workers even told him this week she was going to help keep him on top of drinking all of his protein. I thought that was the sweetest thing.
All week I've questioned myself. What if i decide in 2 months I want to tell people? Wouldn't that seem more embarrassing? Wouldn't it seem like more of a lie? I sat in my office yesterday and really started to have a little panic attack in my head about it. I summoned my b.f.f. and we talked it out. I made the decision to sleep on it and talk about it to my close friends at work in the morning.
First thing today, I barged into my friend's office and laid it out there. For the first time through this process, I actually cried a little. My sweet friend cried right along with me. I'm not sure where my tears came from. Maybe it was fear of just laying it out there. Could have been tears of embarrassment. I'm not sure, but I got them out and I'm so glad I did. She gave me nothing but support and love. I made the right decision.
I told a few more people throughout the day and every time it got easier. I have a team behind me now that will help me along the way. I don't have to worry about keeping secrets or adding stress to the situation and I love that.
I know some people will say bad things about WLS like it's an easy way out or a cop out. But I don't care. What those people don't understand is that we all have our own battles. I'm at peace with the fact that this is mine.
2 more days. It'll be here before we know it.